(Published in NST, 24 Oct, 2010)
Not long ago, we decided to upgrade our bathrooms with a modern-looking glass shower screens. We got a good deal from a local home improvement store and ordered a couple of them for installation. We were excited at the prospect of turning our ordinary-looking bathrooms into neat and classy ones without costing a bomb.
Once delivered and installed, they were indeed great. Our once messy and wet bathrooms were now much neater and drier. However, our joy was short-lived. Apparently, the contractors who installed the shower screens did not do a proper job. Within days, mildew started forming due to a small leak. We speculated that maybe they did not use the best materials or strive to give their best.
Both our bathrooms leaked and needed to be repaired. Though the contractors did come over the second time to repair them, the damage was already done by then. We could not use the showers for 48 hours and we had to go to a nearby highway rest area to shower! Though it was fun, it was still inconvenient.
The incident presented me with an opportunity to highlight to my kids the importance of doing something properly and exceedingly well. We told them that a poor job will impact someone, somewhere, in God knows what ways. No matter how small the job or how insignificant the action is, the impact could be big to someone else. Just like what the proverb says, “A small leak will eventually sink a big ship.”
While what we experienced was literally just a small leak in the bathrooms, what if those “small leaks” occur in bigger things that matter in our kids’ lives? If left unchecked, the impact could be devastatingly big and may even sink their “ships”.
Interest in learning
Take studying for example. Many students lost interest in their lessons because they found it hard to understand a subject. Learning is a process whereby small bits of information are accumulated over time to form a more complex structure. By itself, each bit may appear small and insignificant, but put together they will become a complete and comprehensible data.
If a student keeps ignoring those small bits by missing classes, not paying attention, being lazy to do revisions or simply not doing their homework, he or she would quickly find it hard to follow the next subsequent lessons. The small leaks are beginning to become bigger and soon, his or her whole ship – the subject matter – would sink into the sea of confusion, lack of interest and total abandonment. By then, it would require a huge effort just to bring the student back to the path of learning.
Social skills
Similarly, in their social lives, kids can also quickly head for disaster if they are not properly trained on the basic social etiquettes. Minding their manners, learning how to get along and watching their words are some of the important elements of a successful social interaction among children. Small problems in any of these areas can lead to bigger issues later on.
For examples, a rude boy will find others avoiding him at the playground. A girl who is too quiet and not able to get along will miss a lot of fun time with the others. A boy who likes to create little lies will find himself creating even bigger lies before ending up in a big problem.
Disciplinary issues
Disciplinary problems also start this way. A disobedient teenager is not created overnight. He would have likely grown up in a house lacking of clear rules, regulations, guidance and enforcement. What seemed like a harmless breakage of little rules would soon becomes a habit. If they find that their mistakes or bad behaviours are not duly dealt with, they would assume that all is well.
As they grow bigger, they would break bigger rules. The leaks are now too big to fix and their ships are on the way down.
Creating responsible kids
Responsibilities start at home. Parents must train their kids to own up for their actions. If trusted with a task, tell them it is their responsibility to do it right and to do it right away. Household tasks and religious obligations must be done without too many prompting from the parents. This series of small trainings and empowerment go a long way towards creating a responsible person.
By doing so, they are effectively preventing leaks like procrastinating, making excuses or avoiding the work from becoming real problems later on. Their kids would join the movers and shakers group rather than the one are wondering what is happening and why they are left behind.
Plugging the leaks
The good news is, in all of the above examples and situations, small leaks can still be fixed and disasters avoided. Parents just need to be more sensitive and develop an ability to spot those leaks and plug them before they become a much bigger problem. Some of the proactive steps parents can take are to get more involved in their kids’ studies, instilling good behaviours and providing empowerment for basic personal tasks.
Ensure that they are staying ahead of their lessons, doing their homework and understanding the basic facts. Get to know their teachers and seek feedbacks regularly. Check their grades regularly and look for gaps and opportunities.
Ensure that they have healthy relationships with peers and friends. Talk to neighbours and seek their feedbacks on their behaviours. Deal with any discipline issues promptly, firmly and fairly. Create basic rules and expectations and task them with the responsibilities to uphold them. Empower them to do their job correctly and timely.
Intervene and get help as soon as possible if the symptoms of leakage start to appear. Before the “mildew of life” starts to form, teach them the impact of their actions to their own and other people’s lives. Train them to take control, be responsible and be aware of the consequences of their actions.
By doing so, we can rest easy and watch their ships sailing smoothly in a sea of excellence towards a brighter future.
The writer is a certified parental coach and best-selling author of Smart Parents, Brighter Kids. Log on to www.SmartParents.com.my or write to him at
| Q: Do you have any suggestions on how to build the curiosity in children? My son is five and all he seemed interested is to play the computer games and spending all available time for “edutainment” stuff. A: Computers, televisions and the likes can be addictives if not controlled well. I’d suggest you to be firm, but with love, to limit those edutainment times in his life early on. Discuss and set a limit on the time spent, ideally not more than two hours per day in total. For the rest of the day, build his curiosity through story books, colouring books, educational toys, plasticin, block sets and so on. You can also try him out for music class, art class, acting class or all of the above to gauge his interest. Don’t be discouraged if he keeps shifting from one interest to another because it will take time for him to find something he really likes. Soon, he will zoom in to an activity that is much more creative, interesting and productive to spend the hours away rather than on the endless entertainment and computer games. |
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