Give Empowerment, Not Just Instructions

Imagine one day you were called in by your superior to take on a new project. He then started telling you what to do first, followed by the second step and continued on for another thirty minutes. Each step was described in details such that you used up the entire note book to capture them.

Now recall a time when another superior ask you to complete a task, but stop short of giving you any instructions. All she said was, “I would love to see this completed. I trust your ability, that’s why we hire you for this work. If you have any problems, please do not hesitate to see me. Otherwise, I’d assume that you are on top of your game.”

Which boss would you want to work for? Can you feel the difference between the two styles? The former expects the job to be done “my way or no way” while the latter trusts your ability to do the job your way.

It does not take a genius to figure out which boss is more pleasant to work with. If you are like me, I would feel honoured if someone fully trusts my ability to get the job done without checking every single hour. Work would be much more pleasant, energizing and in fact inspiring. Along the way, the employee will stretch his or her ability, and that is how we grow in our career.

Now take a step back and analyze our own approach to our kids. As the home manager, we are responsible for the successful projects at home. Are we the type who would just churn out instructions after instructions? Or do we empower our child to do the job their own way, as long as it gets done?

In our haste to get things done, our tendency is just to give a detailed and thorough systematic instruction. For example, when asking them to help us cleaning up the house, most parents would just tell them which area to clean first, what cleaning tools to use and where to go next. If the kids fail to follow the instructions to the letter, the parents start to feel agitated. In no time, the atmosphere would become tense and everyone is frustrated.

Compare that with a smarter parent who empowers their kids to complete the task under a minimum set of orders. They would instead just give a broad guideline and let their kids figure them out as best as they can. For example, in preparing and packing for the vacation, they would ask their kids to pack the clothes by themselves. All they mention is that they are going for a three-day-two-night trip and let the kids to figure out how many pieces of day and night clothes to bring. They do not expect a perfect solution because the more important agenda is to train their kids to make decisions.

By empowering our kids, we are sending them a signal that they are smart, trustworthy and capable of handling life little tasks. These powerful signals go a long way towards preparing them to face bigger challenges as they grow older. In contrast, children who receive detailed instructions all their lives may not have the opportunity to learn to think on their feet. This would be a disadvantage when they have to leave the safety of home and face the real world.

Just like empowered employees, empowered children will be able to be creative, try new things, fail a little and learn a lot. They will be able to fly under the loving guidance of their parents. On the other side of the spectrum, a rigid and stern parent will stifle their kids’ creativities. Everything must be done according to their instructions, leaving little chance for the kids to experiment and try for themselves.

The best learning in life is the one we learn from mistakes. However, kids will never make mistakes if they do not even try. Therefore, encourage them to try, fail and learn. Do it with full of love and caring guidance. I know of many parents who have already delegated the daily responsibilities such as folding their own clothes and making their own bed to their kids. My wife Rose is doing this and I fully support her.

They can also try things that are not so ordinary, such as baking doughnuts or cooking simple meals, under appropriate supervision. We can empower them to create an artwork for the house or even plan for the next vacation.

The list can go on. You get the idea. Therefore, let us start right away. Find something they can and supposed to do and let them try. All we need to do is to empower them, stay back and watch them fly!