Smart Parents Blog

Capturing the spirit of Ramadhan

2011-08-07T06:56:00.001+08:00

Every year, Malaysians from all walks of life are looking forward to the holy month of Ramadhan. For Muslims or non-Muslims alike, this is the month of a very different character. This is also the time when all sort of food, many are not available during other months, make their grand appearances at the mushrooming “bazaar Ramadhan.”

But is the month only all about food, extensive “buka puasa” buffet spread and followed by Hari Raya sales? In the modern commercial world, yes, these are the items hogging the front line. However, it would be a waste if we view it just from this commercial aspect alone. There are many more intangible spirits of Ramadhan that one can impart to another, from parents to their children or from a friend and neighbour to another.

Strengthening relationships

This is the time when every family member is united by food, or the lack of it, during the fasting period. Chances are family members are brought together during breaking of fast as well as the pre-dawn meals. Even if the family found it difficult to eat together during other months due to their busy schedules, no one would miss an opportunity to enjoy the food together when the evening prayer was called.

This is the perfect time for the family to enjoy the loving bantering of one another. Parents should take the time to ask about the latest going on with their kids while giving their children the opportunity to share their issues, concerns or problems which may otherwise escape the parents’ attentions.

A family who eats together stays together. There is no better time to enjoy the meal after a long day of fasting. In doing so, families that fully take advantage of this opportunity to stay close together not only get to enjoy the delicious food but more importantly enjoy the warmth of one another’s company. That is a huge plus point towards strengthening the family bond.

Learning to be patience

There are many rules to follow to ensure one is fasting properly. It’s not just about refraining from food and drinks; it’s also about purifying one’s mind from all the negative thoughts and behaviours. If fasting parents can learn to be patience and follow every rules of Ramadhan, they can internalize this spirit and reapply it when dealing with their kids.

It can teach parents to be patience with their children. If they can refrain themselves from the normal indulgences, surely they can also tolerate the innocent antics of their children. In fact, it should go beyond just tolerating. Parents must always be thinking positively that their young kids are just experimenting. Unlike adults, they have not really found what’s right or wrong. To them, the world is just one big playground waiting to be explored.

Once we are able to overcome the tendency to react negatively for each of the kids’ action, they will find that parenting can indeed be very joyful, fun and fulfilling simply by watching and laughing at the antics of the little ones.

Managing financials

The month of Ramadhan is also associated with temptations. Why, just look at the endless spread of colourful, delicious and glorious food at the bazaar. If we can still resist the tempting sights, the barriers would surely come down once the aroma of “ayam percik” or “beef kebab” make their way into our system. Many people have lost this battle and go home with more food than the whole family can take.

These traders have perfected the craft of appealing to all our senses. There’s so much truth in the common saying of “never go shopping when you are hungry.” But it’s not their faults. On the contrary, the whole thing presented us with an opportunity to exercise our financial restraints. We can find creative ways to combat the temptations. One way is to bring a very limited amount of cash if we have to visit the bazaar. Better still, we can avoid it altogether. Instead, gather the family and have a cooking session at home. Decide upfront on what dish are we going to have today, tomorrow and days after.

Use these sessions to impart teamwork, responsibility as well as family bonding. Mums and dads can prepare the ingredients while the kids can help in the mixing and cooking. Not only we avoid wastages, we can also have lots of fun along the way.

Spreading the love

The most important spirit of Ramadhan has to be the endless supply of love during this period. It is common to see friends of different races and religions wishing “Happy Ramadhan” to one another. They show respects by avoiding eating or drinking in front of their fasting friends. Neighbours can be seen trading dishes with the others.

These little gestures are actually a big signal that love and care are still prevalent in our society. As a Muslim, I feel grateful when my non-Muslim friends send me Ramadhan messages. I am even more proud when I know that they are trying their best to respect my practice.

Therefore, it is time we put behind our differences and focus on the uniting factor of Ramadhan. Family members must take this time to mend the broken relationships. Friends, neighbours and colleagues can also help to spread more love during this month and more.

The writer is a certified parental coach and author of two best-selling books, Smart Parents, Brighter Kids and Smart Parents, Richer Kids. For details of his current work, please visit www.SmartParents.com.my or write to him at zaid@smartparents.com.my.

Give Empowerment, Not Just Instructions

2011-02-07T07:06:00.003+08:00

Imagine one day you were called in by your superior to take on a new project. He then started telling you what to do first, followed by the second step and continued on for another thirty minutes. Each step was described in details such that you used up the entire note book to capture them.

Now recall a time when another superior ask you to complete a task, but stop short of giving you any instructions. All she said was, “I would love to see this completed. I trust your ability, that’s why we hire you for this work. If you have any problems, please do not hesitate to see me. Otherwise, I’d assume that you are on top of your game.”

Which boss would you want to work for? Can you feel the difference between the two styles? The former expects the job to be done “my way or no way” while the latter trusts your ability to do the job your way.

It does not take a genius to figure out which boss is more pleasant to work with. If you are like me, I would feel honoured if someone fully trusts my ability to get the job done without checking every single hour. Work would be much more pleasant, energizing and in fact inspiring. Along the way, the employee will stretch his or her ability, and that is how we grow in our career.

Now take a step back and analyze our own approach to our kids. As the home manager, we are responsible for the successful projects at home. Are we the type who would just churn out instructions after instructions? Or do we empower our child to do the job their own way, as long as it gets done?

In our haste to get things done, our tendency is just to give a detailed and thorough systematic instruction. For example, when asking them to help us cleaning up the house, most parents would just tell them which area to clean first, what cleaning tools to use and where to go next. If the kids fail to follow the instructions to the letter, the parents start to feel agitated. In no time, the atmosphere would become tense and everyone is frustrated.

Compare that with a smarter parent who empowers their kids to complete the task under a minimum set of orders. They would instead just give a broad guideline and let their kids figure them out as best as they can. For example, in preparing and packing for the vacation, they would ask their kids to pack the clothes by themselves. All they mention is that they are going for a three-day-two-night trip and let the kids to figure out how many pieces of day and night clothes to bring. They do not expect a perfect solution because the more important agenda is to train their kids to make decisions.

By empowering our kids, we are sending them a signal that they are smart, trustworthy and capable of handling life little tasks. These powerful signals go a long way towards preparing them to face bigger challenges as they grow older. In contrast, children who receive detailed instructions all their lives may not have the opportunity to learn to think on their feet. This would be a disadvantage when they have to leave the safety of home and face the real world.

Just like empowered employees, empowered children will be able to be creative, try new things, fail a little and learn a lot. They will be able to fly under the loving guidance of their parents. On the other side of the spectrum, a rigid and stern parent will stifle their kids’ creativities. Everything must be done according to their instructions, leaving little chance for the kids to experiment and try for themselves.

The best learning in life is the one we learn from mistakes. However, kids will never make mistakes if they do not even try. Therefore, encourage them to try, fail and learn. Do it with full of love and caring guidance. I know of many parents who have already delegated the daily responsibilities such as folding their own clothes and making their own bed to their kids. My wife Rose is doing this and I fully support her.

They can also try things that are not so ordinary, such as baking doughnuts or cooking simple meals, under appropriate supervision. We can empower them to create an artwork for the house or even plan for the next vacation.

The list can go on. You get the idea. Therefore, let us start right away. Find something they can and supposed to do and let them try. All we need to do is to empower them, stay back and watch them fly!

HOT!! eBook - Butterfly In The Window & Other Inspiring Stories/Articles

2011-01-19T08:03:00.013+08:00

Get my first e-Book, the compilation of over 50 inspiring articles that I have written and published in the New Sunday Times since March 2010.

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TESTIMONIALS FROM READERS:

I liked your piece on Smart Parenting, NST March 7. Keep writing and we will keep reading! Bulbir Singh, Seremban

I enjoy reading your articles because they are thought-provoking, informative and heart-warming. Brian Lee

I enjoyed your article "Butterfly at the window" in this Sunday's Life&Times. I have come across a butterfly and many times, flies frantically trying to "escape" at the window. So your article was "close to home".

Loved your article in yesterday's New Sunday Times. "Sowing the seeds of love". You are great la. I really admire people like you who share your knowledge in books, newspaper articles, website. Fantastic. You have a gift . Thank you for sharing it with us.

This week's"the 10-90 rule" is awesome. It is amazing how you tie it in with parenting. Pandai betul la. Maureen Ann Muthu

I really liked the article "Love Misplaced " in NST Oct 17, 2010. Many parents I know have forgotten how hard they worked and the discipline they had to be where they are now. They want to 'supply' their children all that they earned through discipline and hard work in an easy manner - not realizing that this is more detrimental than beneficial. Linda Manickavasgam

*Thank you* for your article in the new Sunday Times entitled "Knowledge is a powerful weapon". I’m a Singaporean medical humanitarian worker who has lived and worked among Afghans for 8 years. Sadly, as it was with the Gaza flotilla tragedy, knowledge, like love, often gets ‘killed’. Teck Young/Hakim

I read your article in The Sunday Times today. It's great to know that at a time when parents are too engrossed with their careers, there's someone who pays lots of attention to guiding parents to be better and bring up not only brighter but better kids. Kevin

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(order on or before Sunday, Jan 23 to enjoy intro price of RM29)

The “10-90” Parenting Rules

2011-01-11T22:21:00.002+08:00

As published in NST, Oct 31, 2010

Recently I was approached by a very talkative and persistent salesperson who is trying to sell me a certain product. We all have gone through this - a non-stop chatter who strives to highlight the quality of the product while outlining the ten reasons why you should buy it right there and then.

However, the impact was quite the opposite. As I was developing an initial interest on the product, his continuous talk actually put me off! He kept on highlighting the same thing over and over gain and pouring over the details, oblivious to the strong unpleasant body language that I was displaying.

What he actually succeeded was only to make me feel small, ignorant and yes, unintelligent. I know all the benefits of the product already but that does not mean that I will drop every thing else and buy it immediately. What the salesperson failed to understand that everyone has his or her priorities, issues and problems that are screaming for their attention. By creating a new need through a pressure tactic, it will just cloud the potential customers' minds with yet another problem.

A better strategy would have been to talk less and listen more. I would even go as far as saying that a good salesperson is the one who talks for 10 percent and listen for 90 percent of the time. Only then he would be able to realize that while his product has several benefits, they are meaningless if they do not provide any solutions to the current issues a client is facing.

I call the insight as a "10-90 Rule." It exists not only in selling but also in many other aspects of life such as parenting. It is also important we understand these aspects and the impacts the rule brings. We can then reapply it in the daily situations to get the best results of our parenting efforts.

10 Percent Talking, 90 Percent Listening

My favourite kind of salesperson is the one who talks for only 10 percent and listen for 90 percent of the time. I avoid the pushy ones who already decided what is good for me, without really listening to my needs, situations or issues. They forgot that we are where we are because of our intelligence and responsible behaviours.

Try to do the same to our kids and we will find that they too will feel the same. If we keep on blindly telling them what to do without stopping to check for their feeling, the children will feel defensive and withdrawn. Even if what we said are true, the bad feelings and personal ego will be the major hindrances. The elder ones would be left wishing to be treated “like adults” while the little ones find the incessant talks to be meaningless.

By stopping to listen, we prove that we truly care about them more than our needs to “sell our ideas” of what is good for them. We can understand their situations and then offer solutions that meet the conditions. In return, the children would be much more willing to buy the ideas and fully cooperate with us.

10 Percent Nagging, 90 Percent Loving

My experience with the salesperson was akin to being nagged to. I did not enjoy it and I doubt if anybody does. After a while, my brain just shut down and started thinking about something else.

Same goes when interacting with our kids. It is little wonder that kids shut down very fast the moment they recognize a nag is coming. They feel that they are under attack and will automatically defend themselves.

People nag because they just need to get things off their chest. It is the way for them to respond to things that are happening around them. Instead of solving anything, they just pass the stress to another person.

A better strategy is to stop talking, analyze the situation and accept the situations as they are. Try to change them if you can; otherwise, just smile and move on. When the kids are home, avoid the urge to nag and complaint. Instead, lovingly remind them of their responsibilities, motivate them to do their work and shower them with lots of praises if they carry out their responsibilities.

10 Percent Instructing, 90 Percent Empowering

Creative thinking can be forged when we empower our kids to do things their way. Instead of churning out instructions after instructions, why not let them do it their way, as long as things get done? By empowering them, we trust their ability to make decisions, treat them like intelligent persons and most importantly, train them to be ready to face the real world.

On the contrary, children of rigid parents will lose a lot of opportunities to experiment, be creative and learn from their mistakes. Their self esteem might even be affected because of the little training in real-life problem solving.

We will be surprised at their ability to think creatively in finding the solutions. In doing so, they will also learn and relearn from their mistakes. The empowerment will build up their self confidence, one task at a time.

10 Percent Complaining, 90 Percent Responding

In life, we are faced with many situations when the 10-90 rule will become handy. Lou Holtz, a famous American Football Coach, once said, “Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it.” We cannot control what happens around us but we certainly can control how we react to them.

Instead of complaining “Why me?” the energy is much better spent to respond to the situations. Take the bull by its horn and bring it down. Avoid feeling like we are the victims of circumstances. Rather, find things to be grateful about and move on with lives.

Train our kids to do the same. Appoint them to be the leader of their own lives and respond appropriately and positively to the challenges that come their way.

10 Percent Frowning, 90 Percent Smiling

Last but not least, do not let the daily business of life to bring us down. Unhappy parents are not good for the families. They are the ones who would be nagging, criticizing, instructing and complaining all the times.

Make a commitment to smile more often than frowning. Enjoy the family while they are still around and need us. Even if you don’t like a situation or a person such as a pushy salesperson, smile and wave goodbye rather than letting them spoil your day. After all, life is ten percent what happens to us and ninety percent how we respond to it.

The writer is a certified parental coach and best-selling author of Smart Parents, Brighter Kids. Log on to www.SmartParents.com.my or write to him at zaid@smartparents.com.my. Get his second book, Smart Parents, Richer Kids, at your nearest bookstore or order online at the website.

Q: My two-year old son is too attached to the mum because he is breastfeeding. We are now concerned because my wife is planning to return to work and needs to leave him behind with a caretaker. Should we stop the breastfeeding? What steps can we take to reduce the anxiety?

A: Leaving our kids behind even for a short while can be an anxious affair. But this is a reality of life and soon we will need to trust our kids with someone else. I will not recommend to stop breastfeeding abruptly to meet this purpose because it will add more stress to the child. Rather, you can start preempting him on the possibility, prepare him mentally for the day and slowly wean him from breastfeeding (after consulting your doctor).

As for choosing the caretaker, get him involved in the process. If it is a day care, get him to like the place and the people by bringing him there. Arrange for an “orientation week” where he can be left there but you or your wife is available any time.

In most cases, it’s the parents who are more anxious. If the process is done right, they will find their children to be playing happily with the new caretakers and friends.

A Small Leak Will Sink A Big Ship

2011-01-10T07:40:00.003+08:00

(Published in NST, 24 Oct, 2010)

Not long ago, we decided to upgrade our bathrooms with a modern-looking glass shower screens. We got a good deal from a local home improvement store and ordered a couple of them for installation. We were excited at the prospect of turning our ordinary-looking bathrooms into neat and classy ones without costing a bomb.

Once delivered and installed, they were indeed great. Our once messy and wet bathrooms were now much neater and drier. However, our joy was short-lived. Apparently, the contractors who installed the shower screens did not do a proper job. Within days, mildew started forming due to a small leak. We speculated that maybe they did not use the best materials or strive to give their best.

Both our bathrooms leaked and needed to be repaired. Though the contractors did come over the second time to repair them, the damage was already done by then. We could not use the showers for 48 hours and we had to go to a nearby highway rest area to shower! Though it was fun, it was still inconvenient.

The incident presented me with an opportunity to highlight to my kids the importance of doing something properly and exceedingly well. We told them that a poor job will impact someone, somewhere, in God knows what ways. No matter how small the job or how insignificant the action is, the impact could be big to someone else. Just like what the proverb says, “A small leak will eventually sink a big ship.”

While what we experienced was literally just a small leak in the bathrooms, what if those “small leaks” occur in bigger things that matter in our kids’ lives? If left unchecked, the impact could be devastatingly big and may even sink their “ships”.

Interest in learning

Take studying for example. Many students lost interest in their lessons because they found it hard to understand a subject. Learning is a process whereby small bits of information are accumulated over time to form a more complex structure. By itself, each bit may appear small and insignificant, but put together they will become a complete and comprehensible data.

If a student keeps ignoring those small bits by missing classes, not paying attention, being lazy to do revisions or simply not doing their homework, he or she would quickly find it hard to follow the next subsequent lessons. The small leaks are beginning to become bigger and soon, his or her whole ship – the subject matter – would sink into the sea of confusion, lack of interest and total abandonment. By then, it would require a huge effort just to bring the student back to the path of learning.

Social skills

Similarly, in their social lives, kids can also quickly head for disaster if they are not properly trained on the basic social etiquettes. Minding their manners, learning how to get along and watching their words are some of the important elements of a successful social interaction among children. Small problems in any of these areas can lead to bigger issues later on.

For examples, a rude boy will find others avoiding him at the playground. A girl who is too quiet and not able to get along will miss a lot of fun time with the others. A boy who likes to create little lies will find himself creating even bigger lies before ending up in a big problem.

Disciplinary issues

Disciplinary problems also start this way. A disobedient teenager is not created overnight. He would have likely grown up in a house lacking of clear rules, regulations, guidance and enforcement. What seemed like a harmless breakage of little rules would soon becomes a habit. If they find that their mistakes or bad behaviours are not duly dealt with, they would assume that all is well.

As they grow bigger, they would break bigger rules. The leaks are now too big to fix and their ships are on the way down.

Creating responsible kids

Responsibilities start at home. Parents must train their kids to own up for their actions. If trusted with a task, tell them it is their responsibility to do it right and to do it right away. Household tasks and religious obligations must be done without too many prompting from the parents. This series of small trainings and empowerment go a long way towards creating a responsible person.

By doing so, they are effectively preventing leaks like procrastinating, making excuses or avoiding the work from becoming real problems later on. Their kids would join the movers and shakers group rather than the one are wondering what is happening and why they are left behind.

Plugging the leaks

The good news is, in all of the above examples and situations, small leaks can still be fixed and disasters avoided. Parents just need to be more sensitive and develop an ability to spot those leaks and plug them before they become a much bigger problem. Some of the proactive steps parents can take are to get more involved in their kids’ studies, instilling good behaviours and providing empowerment for basic personal tasks.

Ensure that they are staying ahead of their lessons, doing their homework and understanding the basic facts. Get to know their teachers and seek feedbacks regularly. Check their grades regularly and look for gaps and opportunities.

Ensure that they have healthy relationships with peers and friends. Talk to neighbours and seek their feedbacks on their behaviours. Deal with any discipline issues promptly, firmly and fairly. Create basic rules and expectations and task them with the responsibilities to uphold them. Empower them to do their job correctly and timely.

Intervene and get help as soon as possible if the symptoms of leakage start to appear. Before the “mildew of life” starts to form, teach them the impact of their actions to their own and other people’s lives. Train them to take control, be responsible and be aware of the consequences of their actions.

By doing so, we can rest easy and watch their ships sailing smoothly in a sea of excellence towards a brighter future.

Q: Do you have any suggestions on how to build the curiosity in children? My son is five and all he seemed interested is to play the computer games and spending all available time for “edutainment” stuff.

A: Computers, televisions and the likes can be addictives if not controlled well. I’d suggest you to be firm, but with love, to limit those edutainment times in his life early on. Discuss and set a limit on the time spent, ideally not more than two hours per day in total.

For the rest of the day, build his curiosity through story books, colouring books, educational toys, plasticin, block sets and so on. You can also try him out for music class, art class, acting class or all of the above to gauge his interest. Don’t be discouraged if he keeps shifting from one interest to another because it will take time for him to find something he really likes.

Soon, he will zoom in to an activity that is much more creative, interesting and productive to spend the hours away rather than on the endless entertainment and computer games.

Loving at the Wrong Places

2010-12-03T08:41:00.005+08:00

Click here to read full article as published in NST, Oct 15, 2010

We all love our children. We would walk the extra mile for them. We would do almost anything out of love for them. But in our eagerness to provide the best, have stopped once in a while to assess if we have not “misplaced” the love? It may sound strange but it can happen. Just like our hand phones, wallets or keys, love can also be misplaced despite our best efforts to safeguard them.

While there are many ways we can misplace the hand phones, wallets or keys, how does one misplace love? Here are some common examples when parents are putting love at the wrong places.

Not asking them to carry out their religious duties

Imagine a cold Sunday morning when some Muslims are already up for their morning prayers. There is a distant sound of azan, waking up the neighbourhood to perform their religious duties. You are the first one to wake up in the house and sneaked into your kids’ rooms to see if they are awake. What you find is quite the opposite – small little faces who are in deep sleep with a hint of a smile, presumably in the midst of a wonderful dream.

You paused for a moment and think, “Should I wake them up or let them sleep a little longer? It’s a weekend after all and they have been waking up early all week long.”

This is the critical point. If you let them sleep a little longer, you would have given them some luxury of time at the expense of their religious obligations. If you woke them up, you’d feel bad to disturb such a wonderful sleep on the equally wonderful morning even though they would then have enough time to get ready and perform the Morning Prayer.

Parents who chose the former would have misplaced the love. Performing a religious duty is a commitment we have made to ourselves and to God. It requires a bit of sacrifices, which includes giving up a little bit of sleep in a cold morning. The benefits outweigh the tough actions we took – our kids will be trained from young that performing religious duties are the most important task and they should perform them in due time regardless of the situations.

Allowing too much televisions and computer games

This is another example of misplaced love. Many parents have lost the battle over the control of the televisions. They have surrendered and permanently handed the remote control to their kids such that they can now watch all the shows, one after another. These parents would even install another set just so that they can watch their favourite shows without competing with the kids.

Shielding them from “hard work”

There are also parents who love their kids so much that they shield them from doing any “hard work” around the house. When their kids make a mess, the parents would obligingly tidy it up. When their rooms are turned upside down, the parents would not say anything. If they have a maid, she would be the one to do everything including personal chores such as washing the school shoes or making up the bed. All other household work is usually taken care of by the mum.

Giving them a bit of work is in fact good for the children’s character developments. The household work can be a good form of training for personal responsibilities. It will also train them to think, take actions and work together to accomplish a goal. Even if you have a maid at home, ask the kids to still do their personal chores such as washing the shoes, cleaning their own plates after meals and making up their own beds. Leave only the heavy duty stuff to the helper.

Overprotective Parenting Styles

There is a fine line between being “responsible” and “overprotective.” While making sure their playground is safe is considered responsible parenting, following their every footstep would have crossed the line. Similarly, checking out the neighbourhood for safety concerns is responsible parenting but not letting them to go out at all for fear of being bullied or kidnapped is overprotective.

Impacts of putting love at the right places

Just like losing the keys or wallets, misplaced love would bring lots of stress, anxieties and problems later on. However, great rewards are awaiting parents who have smartly put love at the right places by pushing their kids to honour their commitments and deliver their responsibilities. With the right doses of discipline and hard work, they can look forward to seeing their young child blossoms into a resilient, responsible and dependable adult.

Sowing the Seeds of Love

2010-10-31T11:01:00.001+08:00

My family and I were having a leisurely stroll inside a mall when we walked passed a young man who was busy handing out flyers for a newly opened restaurant. As he handed it out the piece of paper to me, I politely smiled and declined it. He quickly acknowledged and moved on to the next person walking behind us.

My daughter noticed this and started asking me a few questions. “Daddy, why does the man keep handing out flyers even when most people refused to accept them? Do the flyers really work; I mean would people actually pay attention to what it says? It better works, otherwise he would be wasting a lot of papers!” she concluded.

I thought for a while and recalled reading an article about “The Law of the Seed” (author unknown). This is a perfect example of how such a “law” can explain why a seemingly wasteful activity is actually poised to bring good result later on. It says that most seeds would never grow. If we want to grow a tree, we must plant many seeds. The author concluded that if we really want to make something happen, we had better try more than once.

Ironically, printing lots of papers to be distributed as flyers is bad for trees; but this principle of “most seeds would never grow” is the one that drives their mass distribution. There will be a few who would be reading them, and a few more would eventually visit the new restaurant.

I took the opportunity to explain to my daughter that for her to succeed at anything, she must try it again and again. If success would come only after a hundred times, she would not achieve it if she stopped at the ninety-ninth try. She must not get frustrated because that is just nature at work.

The Seed of Love

The same law is also applicable in the parenting perspective. Parents must plant plenty of seeds, especially the seeds of love, to increase the odds of having a happy and successful family. Not all seeds will grow but they are not wasted either.

A mother recently approached me to share her frustrations in dealing with her primary school daughter who seemed to have refused to listen to her anymore. The mother claimed that she had tried everything such as asking nicely, giving incentives or even pleading but the daughter would do something only after being repeatedly asked to do so. Even then, she would leave the task at a slightest distraction. Her academic performance is also declining compared to the previous years. At times, the situation become tense when one of the parent would start yelling, scolding and even dishing out light physical punishments to the daughter. This has caused the house to be a highly stressful environment and parenting becomes unpleasant.

The mother was unsure of what to do next. She had planted many seeds but most, if not all, have failed to give her any results thus far. However, she must not give up. There will be one seed that is waiting to be planted; the one that will grow into a beautiful tree.

To find that seed, there is no other way but to plant more. If the old ways do not seem to work, we must find and try the new ways. Get everyone – father, mother, children and even housemaid – to be involved and have an open discussion. Create a new strategy by taking into accounts what had and had not worked before. “Water the seeds” by pouring a lot of love into the process. A growing seed cannot be rushed. Be patient and watch it grow into something wonderful each passing day.

Enemies of the Seeds

In nature, a growing seed would have to survive many enemies. Birds, harsh weather and barren soils are united against the seeds’ survival. If we are not careful and do not have a plan to protect our seeds, these elements would quickly reverse our efforts and eventually destroy them.

Similarly, we must also expect many negative elements that would always find a way to get into our children’s lives. Bad friends’ influences, internet, new technology and borderless world are racing to get into our homes. Therefore, we must keep in touch with the technology, upgrade our parenting knowledge and skills and build that fence to ensure that all the enemies are stopped at the gate.

Sowing the Seeds of the Future

Do not let ourselves to be like a farmer who has plenty of seeds but refuses to plant them. When the others are reaping their harvest, the farmer continues to hold on to his dying seeds. Plant those seeds, nurture, protect and watch them grow into beautiful trees.

Good and healthy trees will create pleasant environments, nice sceneries and provide plenty of shades for others. In times, they would also produce many more good seeds to ensure the survival of our future generations.

Give books as wedding gifts...

2010-10-19T20:11:00.005+08:00

The wedding seasons are coming soon...be different by giving parenting books as a wedding gift...

Instead of irons, cutlery sets or the all-time-favourite bread toasters, why not give PARENTING BOOKS as the wedding gifts to your friends/relatives. You can even customize it with your own message addressed to the happy couple. Just order online here today:

Order "Smart Parents, Brighter Kids" HERE

Order "Smart Parents, Richer Kids" HERE

TOGETHER WE CAN CHANGE THE WORLD...ONE KID AT A TIME!

Smart Parents, Richer Kids

2010-09-05T07:43:00.006+08:00

Simple "8S" Strategies to Raise Smarter, Richer and More Responsible Children

Description: A guide on how to raise smarter children while maintaining a comfortable, happier and richer life.

View the front/back covers & actual intro pages here!

Smart Parents meet Millionaires Coach! Zaid Mohamad teamed up with Azizi Ali to produce this explosive book. Full of hot tips on how to manage family finances for parents who want to impart good money habits for their kids AND enable one parent to stay home full-time. A must read for anyone who wants to end the vicious cycle of spending money in pursuit of happiness. Experts in their respective field, bestselling authors Azizi Ali (Millionaires Are From Different Planet) and Zaid Mohamad (Smart Parents, Brighter Kids) will share their family journey towards financial freedom using the proven “8S” Smart Parents’ Financial Strategy.

What You Can Learn:
1. Save First: Build the solid foundation for the family financial
 Find effective ways to train the kids on the value of money
 Create a brighter future, today.

2. Set the Standard: Teach us how to live within our means, happily!
 Be the “Jones’ family” whom others look at as the benchmark
 Show the way to prioritize what is important to the family
 Teach the kids how to value their stuff and use them for a long, long time.

3. Simplify Budgeting & Investment: How to automate the process & have time for other things
 Find ways to pay your wife to stay at home!
 Find the investments that meet our objectives
 How to train the kids on money matters from young

4. Spend Smartly: Find hundreds of ways to save money, everyday
 Enjoy good family life without depleting your resources
 Instill good money habits in the kids

5. Severe Conditions Planning (Emergency & Insurance): Find ways to plan for the worst
 Learn to adapt to changing circumstances while maintaining the course
 Learn what and how to plan

6 SiX – Source of Income Expansion: Learn several ways to multiply your income immediately
 How to survive with a single income stream
 How to love your job while ethically expand your income
 How to create home-based business for your spouse

7. Share the Rewards: Understand why we need to share
 Find the best ways to share
 How to instill caring attitude in our kids

8. Smile and Stay Cool: Find ways to enjoy the family without spending money
 Learn inner peace and eliminate needs to spend
 Teach the kids that the good things in life are indeed free!

RM39.90 (plus RM5 for Pos Ekspress Overnight Delivery) CLICK HERE TO ORDER NOW!!

Smart Parents Richer Kids - Covers & Excerpts

2010-09-05T06:38:00.002+08:00

Online Price RM39.90 (+ RM5 Overnight Delivery) - ORDER YOUR COPY TODAY!!

Small Roles, Big Actors

2010-08-21T23:21:00.003+08:00

This is what they say in performing theaters, "There are no small roles, only small actors."

We may think that we are just a small player in the big scheme of thing. That's hardly motivating!

Life is what we make. Small actors will choose to think that their roles are insignificant. They would then do it half-heartedly while looking for "a bigger opprtunity."

That's a shame because we can take the small role and give our best. Leave our marks no matter what.

To our kids, we are their world. By being a good role model of accepting responsibilities, no matter how big or small, we are effectively showing them that everyone has capabilities & responsibilities to contribute, big or small.

Choose to train our kids on this - it is a great leadership skill to have. Empower them to think, decide and do.

Choose to be the Big Actor!

The Cup of Life: Parenting lesson in the World Cup

2010-07-11T23:38:00.002+08:00

Smart Parenting @ NST

A number of people had been asking my opinion on how the World Cup can be related to our family and kids. Learning moments are not confined to the classrooms. There are always lessons to learn from any life events, and the World Cup is no exception. As we moved to the knockout stage of the tournament, it has provided many learning along the way.

Here are some of the lessons that I have keenly noted and how they relate to parenting.

Teamwork Wins
Football is a team sport. A team can have several star players but if they do not work together effectively, they can forget about advancing to the second round, let alone winning the title. Superstars or not, everyone has a role to play and the responsibility to play it well.

Just like a football team, each member in a family also has his or her own role. Just like the captain, the head of the family must provide a strong leadership and motivation to his or her charge. The other family members have the responsibility to obey the command. Only then, the team will be playing as one to have a much greater chance of succeeding.

Attack and secure victory early on
Most of the successful teams in the tournament have scored early goals. They do not have to slog and wait until the dying seconds to find that elusive goals.

This reminds me of how our kids approach their studies and examinations. Those who have the discipline to start studying early will have the advantage over those who would like to put it off until the last minute. The early starters will have the luxury of experimenting with new techniques or materials. They will feel less stressed and can even afford to make a few mistakes. They have smartly spread the big tasks into a longer period.

On the other hand, late starters may seem to have enjoyed the time initially only to find that they are staring at a giant monster with a very limited time available to bring it down.

Keep going until the final whistle is blown
If it is not able to score early goal, a winning team knows that the game is not over until the final whistle is blown. The players will keep going and going at the opponent without a sign of giving up even though the odds were stacked against them. Team USA found this out in several games. Trailing two goals down against Slovenia, the US team staged one of the most dramatic comebacks in the tournament to level the score at 2-2. They could have even won the game if not for the controversial decision by the referee, but that would be a topic for another day.

The lesson is, no matter how big the challenge, victory may still come our way as long as we do not give up trying. Our kids may not be behaving as best as we would like to but we must continue to work on them. Their academic results may not be as excellent as others but we still have time to take the necessary actions.

We only lose the moment we stop trying. Even if the final whistle is blown before we score the goal, we can leave the pitch with our heads held high without any regrets.

Losers blame but the winners never complain
The referees, the “jabulani” ball and even the stadium giant screen have received a fair amount of flaks during this tournament. Much has been said about the poor quality of refereeing and the unpredictability of the ball, providing a tired line of excuses especially from the losing teams. The irony is, the winners – playing under the same referee and using the same ball – have not been complaining!

The reality is, there will never be a perfect referee or a perfect ball. We live in the world of imperfections. Life is not fair but the sooner we realize it, the better we can be. Our family and kids may not be “the best” in the neighbourhood but that should not matter at all. What matters is how we continue to work together to leverage the strengths and make them even better. We can choose to harp on all their weaknesses but at the end of the day, we will only be left behind with a long list of complaints.

Just like the winning teams, they quickly adapt to the poor refereeing or the unpredictability of the ball. They seized the moments and focused on their own strengths. Hence, they were the ones who would score goals after goals using the same ball.

Be confident with our ability
Perhaps the biggest lesson in this World Cup is how the traditional football powerhouses are falling on the way side while the “lesser” teams are gaining strengths and confidence after each game. Japan and South Korea are the best examples. They used to be treated as the “warm up” teams that struggled to score even a single goal against the more well-known opponents. Today, they advanced to the second round, surprising many football experts all over the world. In short, Team Asia has arrived!

We must impart this lesson to our kids that they are capable of being with the best in the world. With hard work, knowledge and the right attitude, nothing is impossible. We must not let ourselves to be our own worst enemy by thinking that we do not have the capability. Tell our kids that the time has come and it is their turns to lead the world.

So there you have it. Malaysia Team may not be in the World Cup anytime soon but we Malaysians can already benefit from the lessons it brings. Be the best and win the Cup of Life!

Zaid Mohamad is a parental coach and the bestselling author of Smart Parents, Brighter Kids. Log on to www.SmartParents.com.my or write to him at zaid@smartparents.com.my.

You're Stressed, Daddy...

2010-06-26T07:28:00.000+08:00

That was what Adam, 5, told me one day when he noticed my mood was not that good. Thank God for that reminder! Trust an innocent little boy to be as honest and straightforward as possible.

True, I had been catching up with work and a number of other priorities lately. Many times, when our mind is too occupied, we forgot the things that really matter - the family. Our mood is affected and words that come out can sometimes be harsh.

This is when relationship can be ruined if we are not careful. This is because we will be less careful with their feelings when we are stressed. Relationships can and have been broken this way.

Train your kids to remind you whenever you show the sign of stress.

Of course, do not scold them when they remind you. Instead, force yourself to smile, hug and kiss them.

Life is too short to be stressed!

Smile goes a long way

2010-06-24T23:36:00.001+08:00

Smart Parenting @ NST

Recently I had a very bad experience with a customer service team at one of the retail outlet in the city. When my turn came, the person in charge took my order form and started going through the routine. Things started to go south when he struggled with the credit card machine. The person seemed inexperienced and unsure of what to do. True enough, my transaction did not go through and he handed back my card with an annoyed look. Suspecting something amiss, I called the bank to verify the transaction. As expected, the transaction did go through successfully even though the transaction slip did not come out from the little machine.

I went back to the counter to convey the news. To my dismay, he refused to believe my story and even refused to help me further. The atmosphere behind the counter was very tense with everyone having the “do not mess with me” look. A few of them discussed my “declined” credit card openly in less than discreet manner. There were little respects to the customers lining up on the other side. I was feeling upset, almost humiliated, at the whole experience. I eventually sorted out the issue but the whole incident left a bitter taste.

I could not help but noticed a few things that might have contributed to the poor attitudes of the staff and the less than satisfactory customer service provided. The area was located at a busy corner with workers and suppliers squeezing to pass through. To make matters worse, there was a loud music blasting from the generic loudspeakers right above the counter. However, the most apparent observation I made was there was not even a hint of a smile on their faces.

Taking this experience into parenting context, I could not help to wonder what if the counter is a home and the staff is the parent. Can the parent be nice and patience enough to deal with their kids’ “antics” given a cluttered home, noisy environment and bustling location? Will they be able to cope with the innocent little ones without hurting their feelings? What environment would they create if they chose to frown all day long?

I am sure the effect to the kids is similar to what I experienced at the customer service counter – unhappy, angry and distressed.

We may not have much control over the size and location of our home, but we sure can do something about how it looks and feel inside. Family members can divide the tasks and work together to create a comfortable living space. It does not only provide a serene environment, it also provides an opportunity to provide the kids with a sense of responsibilities. The huge tasks will become more manageable if everyone does their part.

If the neat interior of the house can be likened to hardware of happiness, then smiling is the software. I recalled an English saying, “I smile not because I am happy, but I am happy because I smile.” Smiling is one of the fastest ways to create positive energy. Yet, it is not so easy to do if we allow the external environments to control our feelings. The customer service personnel succumbed to the pressures. They viewed the customers who came to them for help as a bother. They would then treat the very people that bring them business carelessly. The negativity it brought would fuel more irritations and negativity.

Back home, parents must eliminate all negativities by smiling more often. Suddenly, sunshine will start coming in despite the gloom outside. Kids will look forward to come home and enjoy the warmth it provides. Issues can be resolved much more effectively once the setting is relaxed and calm. Rational thinking will prevail. Emotional and angry outbursts will be rare and short. The home will truly become a comfortable haven oozed with positive energy.

I enjoy recalling how my five-year old Adam would always say, “Smile Daddy, you are stressed already!” whenever I come home frowning, when I could not find the remote control or when I could not fix his bike. Like magic, I would churn out a smile, the day became much brighter and all the troubles just seemed to go away.

I wish I could dedicate a song called “Smile” by Uncle Kracker to the customer service team. It would have brightened up their days and maybe they would treat their customers much more nicely. They may not be able to change their management or work environment, but they certainly can change their attitudes.

As for the rest of us, let us all make a commitment to genuinely smile today in going through our daily stuff, no matter what happens. Let us experience and enjoy the change of our mood, the reduction of our blood pressure and the overall good feeling resulting in happier disposition, less stressed, clearer and more creative thinking. As a bonus, we will find our kids to be more cooperative and go through the day more cheerfully. Then try it for a week, a month, and for life. This is when we know that we have truly come home!

Zaid Mohamad is a parental coach and the bestselling author of Smart Parents, Brighter Kids. You can listen to him every Wednesday, 3:00 p.m. on BFM89.9 radio station. Log on to www.SmartParents.com.my or write to him at zaid@smartparents.com.my.

Changing the World, the Fatherly Way

2010-06-17T23:28:00.000+08:00

Smart Parenting @ NST

On this occasion when we celebrate fathers all over the world, I would like to take a moment to reflect on what it means to be a father and what else can we do to make a greater impact to our family.

Like it or not, fathers are still as the head of the family. This is not a privilege but a big responsibility instead. Since more and more mothers are entering the workforce, modern fathers found themselves going deeper into an “unfamiliar” territory – the home front. More is expected of them to take part in running the family and contributing to the housework.

Now, these fathers have two choices – they can avoid the unfamiliar territory and go back to the comfort zone or they can take on the challenges, seize the opportunities and enjoy the rewards later on. No prize for guessing but I would highly recommend the second option.

Over the last ten years, I have had the opportunity to interact with many parents during my social work as the Parents-Teachers Association committee member and then a chairperson. It became very clear to me that a successful family – without taking the credit from the tireless mum – have a very involved and positive father behind the scene. Together, both mum and dad form a formidable team to build a hugely successful family.

On the other hand, the opposite is also true. A father who is not well connected with the family tends to have kids who have discipline issues, do poorly in studies and have poor relationships with friends and peers.

There are many ways a father can be directly and positively involved in managing the family. It used to be taboo for fathers to actively participate in raising their kids. In many Asian cultures, the fathers' traditional roles were and still are largely as the head of the family who rarely gets directly involved in the day-to-day matters of the family. But things have changed drastically over the years as the younger generation of fathers are more than eager to take on a more active role.

It is not uncommon to see fathers ferrying their kids to and from school, doing the laundry or even the dishes.

There are many benefits of having the father to help out around the house. For one, it will greatly reduce the burden and stress on the mother. This is good because a stressful mum is not good for the family. Secondly, by directly interacting with his kids, the father will enhance the bonding process by leaps and bounds. And perhaps the most important benefit is that a child of an involved father is proven to be smarter than a child with a relatively uninvolved father. In their research entitled The Hidden Benefits of Involved Fathers, Garret D. Evans and Kate Fogarty of University of Florida concluded that children of involved fathers enjoyed the following benefits:

They tend to get higher grades than those without involved fathers
Involved fathers tend to raise children who experience more success in their career
Father's involvement is associated with positive child characteristics such as empathy, self-esteem, self-control, psychological well-being, social competence and life skills. They can make friends more easily and handle difficult social situations better.
They tend to have fewer behavioural problems. In fact, even when not living with their children and their children's mother, fathers who were actively involved with their children kept them from getting involved in trouble as teenagers
They have fewer mental health problems as adults.

A father should then get actively involved as early as possible. During their children growing years, a father can:

change the baby's diapers
brush their teeth
get them ready and put them to bed at night, every night
read them books or tell them bedtime stories
provide a lot of hugs and kisses
play and spend quality time with them

The list is endless. Once we know the benefits, we will find ways to be there for them at every opportunity. The journey is still long and the challenges aplenty. However, we must not give up.

From my personal experience, fatherhood is indeed a joy once I have a roadmap of where my family is going. The roadmap comes in the form of knowledge that I can make a huge difference in my kids’ lives. This knowledge comes from the many books I have read on parenting. The more I know, the more confident I become and the more fun I have with my family. I truly enjoy playing the role of the father and strive to be the best I can be for my kids.

Today, join me in renewing our commitment to our family. Do everything we can so that they can be the best they could be. Our wives are already doing wonderful jobs. It is time we join them. By doing so, we are effectively changing our kids’ world for the better, the fatherly way!

Zaid Mohamad is a parental coach and the bestselling author of Smart Parents, Brighter Kids. You can listen to him every Wednesday, 3:00 p.m. on BFM89.9 radio station. Log on to www.SmartParents.com.my or write to him at zaid@smartparents.com.my.

Education – the most powerful weapon

2010-06-08T23:26:00.000+08:00

Smart Parenting @ NST

As the world continues to follow the development in Gaza, I read with horror a New York Times report that claimed that among the items forbidden to enter the community by the Israel authority were “note books, paper and writing utensils.” There were also pictures of soft toys being confiscated by the same authority. I would understand if the weapons or weapon-related materials are blocked, but the books, soft toys and papers are hardly a threat.

But wait. Is that really true? Books, papers and writing utensils are usually associated with education. They are needed in the pursuit of knowledge. And knowledge is power. Do you see the connection?

I recalled watching an animated movie, A Bug’s Life, which was released several years ago. It was a story about an ant colony that was living in fear because of the terrorizing and bullying grasshoppers that were several times bigger than the ants. All their lives, the ants were planted with the thought that this was life all about – collect food for the grasshoppers and they would be “protected” against the other predators out there. Little that they know the threat by the other bugs was just an illusion created by the grasshoppers to keep them in fear and in line. The grasshoppers’ leader, Hopper, regularly reminded his group that the ants must never know they actually outnumbered his species by “a hundred to one.” The ants could have defeated the bigger bugs if they had this knowledge.

Then came Flik, the smartest ant among the lot. He was constantly on the pursuit of knowledge. Hopper immediately recognized Flik as the single biggest threat due to his superior knowledge and ability. He was determined to stop Flik from influencing the rest of the colony with the thought that they were actually much stronger than they were made to be.

As the story goes, Hopper and his gang were eventually defeated. True enough, it was one of Flik’s ingenious inventions – a huge model bird – that scared the enemies off their colony.

Although it was just a movie, there was a great lesson to be learnt from the ants. They defeated the enemy not by brute force, but by smartly applying the knowledge. They knew that grasshoppers were scared of birds and they leveraged that knowledge to the full.

Knowledge, if used responsibly, is the most powerful weapon. As parents, it is our duty to ensure that our kids receive the education they needed. We must teach them that they do not need destructive weapons to conquer the world. Instead, they must conquer the world of knowledge instead.

We must make reading as the top priority again before it becomes a lost art. It is indeed important because reading is the key to knowledge. Education starts the moment a mother conceives the baby. Among the many educational activities they can do, the father and mother can take turn to read to the baby. Read to the younger children regularly before they go to bed. For the elder ones, ask them to schedule at least thirty minutes a day just to read books. Soon, it will become a lifetime habit. Feed the habit by buying more books.

The more they learn, the more they want to know. Soon, we will be on par with the advanced nations in terms of acquiring knowledge through reading. The love of reading will also prevent our kids from spending all the time available on the mindless computer games or television programs.

Be an involved parent when it comes to education. Ensure that they are doing their part such as completing their schoolwork and focusing in the classrooms. Be aware of their activities so that they fill up the times with meaningful and purposeful activities.

Invest in education. Sometimes it is funny how some parents “do not have money” to send their kids to further their studies but will sell every thing they have to bail them out of troubles. It is a sad irony.

While we continue to pressure the Israeli authority to lift the blockade and give the children of Gaza the education they need and deserve, we can concurrently change the future world by renewing our commitment to give our own children the best education they can get.

World history is full of “ants” and “grasshoppers” confrontations. The only way for the ants to defend themselves is through an effective knowledge acquisition. Through knowledge, our future generation will understand that love is much more motivating than hatred. Peace is much more effective than violence. Books are more powerful than bullets. The pen is mightier than the sword.

Only then, the world will have a chance to be a happy and peaceful place again. Together we can do it, one kid at a time!

Zaid Mohamad is a parental coach and the bestselling author of Smart Parents, Brighter Kids. You can listen to him every Wednesday, 3:00 p.m. on BFM89.9 radio station. Log on to www.SmartParents.com.my or write to him at zaid@smartparents.com.my.

Smart Parenting @ NST: The Currency of Love

2010-06-03T08:29:00.005+08:00

I am quite sure you have come across an e-mail story of a little boy who asked his mother how much money she made in an hour. When she said twenty-five dollars, he immediately gave her that amount which he had been saving for a while, just so that her mother can spend an uninterrupted hour with him.

Rather dramatic, but it works to give a perspective on how busy we have become these days until we sacrificed the time with the loved ones to cope up with the demands and rigours of the modern world.

Spending Time or Spending Money?

No doubt, to many of us, time is money. However, is it really true when it comes to family? We live in a hurried and fast-paced world more than ever. There are always meetings to attend, deadlines to meet, clients to entertain, classes to send the kids to and household work to complete. It is rather amazing how we manage to accomplish all those within the limited time. Nevertheless, these accomplishments do come at a price – time less spent with the people that matters most.

The advent of technology promises to do one thing for us – let the machines take over the boring stuff so that we humans have more time to enjoy life. Yet, the total opposite is happening. With e-mails, our boss expects us to check on the work progress on weekends or even during vacation. Clients or fellow co-workers call our mobile phones in the middle of family time and we are obliged to answer.

The natural reaction for many parents to make up for the unspent time is to spend money on their kids. They buy expensive things and the latest gadgets for their kids, hoping that it all will be well. On top of that, the pocket money the urban kids nowadays can match, if not surpass, the salary that their “outsourced parents” – the maids – are getting!

It seems like a fair transaction, but the family business is not like any other business. There are emotions involved. Growing up kids require a lot of guidance, love and attention. When the parents are not there, the void will be filled in many various ways. They will turn to other family members, close friends or worse, to the maid!

The Best Things in Life Are Free

While the responsibilities at work or to the business are important, we know we have crossed the line when we have to use money to transact love and pay for the loss time with the kids. Therefore, smart parents would strive to find the right balance between work and family. Each case will be different, but one thing in common is that they do not outsource the business of family to any other party nor compensate it with money.

They would find time to explain life to their kids. They would always be there to catch them when they fall. They take pride watching their kids playing in the soccer game. Every weekend, they never fail to do simple yet meaningful activities together such as cycling, picnicking, visiting the playground or just walking in the park. It does not really matter what they do as long as it is done with the family.

Looking back, many of our happiest moments in life happen when we are spending the time together with the family. Notice that the “spending” word describes the time rather than the materials as in “spending money”. The quality and fun time with the loved ones is indeed priceless. There are many ways how a smart family can spend leisurely time together without costing a bomb. I would highly encourage you to find one soonest possible.

i-Phones or i-Love-u?

One of my favourite lines whenever I discuss parenting is that kids do not really want the i-pods, i-phones or any other i-stuff; what they really want is lots of “i-Love-u”s! Sure, they would go crazy at any of these gadgets but deep down all they want is a constant stream of assurances of love from their parents. These gadgets are meaningless if the house feels empty and the parents are always too busy for them.

Therefore, spend all the available time with them for we do not have much of those. They are growing at a phenomenal rate and before we know it, they will be ready to leave us. Let us not let any more time pass by without any priceless moments attached.

Are you giving them the “i-Phones” or “i-Love-u"s? Remember, the best gift a parent can give to their kids is the gift of love. We do not have to spend any money to get the best things in life because they are already right there in front of us – a happy, beautiful, smart and bright family!

Now that you know, what is your currency of love – time or money?

Make this school holiday a meaningful and memorable one.

2010-06-02T23:23:00.001+08:00

Smart Parenting @ NST

School holiday can be a wonderful time for the family, or it can easily be turned into a nightmare. For the families that have smartly planned for it, the next two weeks will be a memorable one for a long time. But for those who have not thought through what they are going to do, it will be days that they would rather forget.

Firstly, parents must discuss with their children to set up temporary rules and limits during the holiday. All the available times must be filled with meaningful and beneficial activities so that they are not wasted away by watching televisions or playing computer games all day long. The extra time that they have now can be used to acquire a new skill or knowledge such as language, music or art. They can also attend leadership camps or motivational courses. For those who will be having major examinations such as UPSR and PMR later on, this is the time to catch up by having a proper schedule to focus on the subjects that need more attention.
The key is to involve them in the planning and let them create their own schedules.

Secondly, parents can also turn the holidays into something memorable. Even those taking major examinations need a break. I have listed below several activities that you can do as a family, and have a blast of a time, without costing a bomb. Here we go...

1. Go on a vacation
This would be the best, if you have the money and time. This is the perfect time to get away from it all. Congratulate yourself if you have booked the place and are probably soaking under the sun right now. But for those who have not booked, no worries as you still have some time. Call the hotels, ask around or surf the internet for the last-minute hotel deals or vacation packages.

2. Picnic
If you cannot go on a vacation, then try picnic. Choose a spot - a beach, park, or jungle park. Think of Port Dickson, FRIM, Templer Park or Sungai Congkak, just to name a few. Prepare some simple food in the morning and be there by lunch. For a maximum fun, organize a group picnic with other families or friends.

3. Weekend family activity
This is the time to visit the attractions that we may have not visited for a long time. Think of Zoo Negara, National Museum, KL Bird Park, KL Tower, Science Centre, Putrajaya or Bukit Cahaya. Try the many activities they have there. When in Putrajaya or Bukit Cahaya, rent the bike and enjoy the fresh air while breaking out some sweat.

4. A Day Trip
Find a unique and interesting place that you can drive to and from within a day. I can think of a few such as Kuala Gandah Elephant Sanctuary, Bagan Lalang beach, Kuala Selangor Firefly Colonies, and the urban dwellers favourite – Port Dickson beaches. Just go there with no agenda, enjoy the scenery, food and the change of environment.

5. Camping
For the more adventurous, bring along the camping gear. This is the best time to blend in with nature. Get a few other folks to come along for more fun. Have a campfire, games, singing and dancing. Bring along some food for a barbecue session on the beach or in the jungle. There are plenty of popular camping sites across the country. All you need to do is a passion for the adventure.

6. Take the kids & their friends out
If you are the urban type and enjoy the modern amenities, you will bring a huge smile to the kids by taking them and their friends out. Go for bowling, movies or any other suitable places for their age. Let them have meals together and just have a good time.

7. Movie Night(s)
If you have a good home theatre system at home, this is the time to make them work for you. Buy or rent several good movies and watch together with the family. Buy or rent the latest (and original) movies on DVD. It does not cost you a bomb to rent one.

8. Games Nights
Besides movies, you can also have tremendous fun playing games with the kids. Think of charade, win-lose-draw, Scrabbles, Monopoly, chess, card games and many more. Order some food and divide into teams, e.g. parents versus kids or boys versus girls. Make it interesting - the losers will have to serve breakfast, in bed, to the winners the next day!

9. Organize Parties
This can be birthday parties or just a "no-reason-party". Invite the kids' friends to your home and have a party. Prepare some simple food and games for them. Let them run wild and have fun.

10. Sleepover
After the party, some friends can stay back (with their parents' permission) for a sleepover. Loosen up the rules for this one - allow them to stay up later than normal. They will thank you for that.
There you have it. Let’s make sure that the next two weeks are filled with activities that help our kids to become a better person, for families to come together closer and for sweet memories that will last a lifetime!

Zaid Mohamad is a parental coach and the bestselling author of Smart Parents, Brighter Kids. You can listen to him every Wednesday, 3:00 p.m. on BFM89.9 radio station. Log on to www.SmartParents.com.my or write to him at zaid@smartparents.com.my.

Smart Parenting @ NST: Learn to live, live to learn

2010-05-31T08:35:00.003+08:00

It has been probably a million times that you have heard the phrase “one never stops learning.” Well, I am about to make it a million and one. However, this time it is about imparting this age-old saying onto our kids.

Asian students in general are doing very well on the academic front. In Malaysia, success is often measured by the string of A’s that one can manage in each of the major examinations. These successes have become major sources of pride for both the students and their parents. Year after year, more and more students are scoring all A’s in all fronts.

While it is commendable and in fact important to be a top performing student, one would have crossed the line if the sole objective of learning were just to ace the examinations. Not many would admit this fact, yet their daily actions reflect this objective clearly. How many times have we heard reports that our students are just memorizing facts without really understanding them? What about the drill practice at the mushrooming tuition centres across the country? They are all geared towards providing one thing – to answer the exam questions as per what the examiner wants. I have even heard of cases where students actually memorizing essays to be reproduced later in the test!

Somehow, somewhere, have we taken the wrong turn in the journey to pursue knowledge? Learning for examination is important, but learning to live is even more so. I am not saying that they should not aim to get all A’s, but as parents, we must ensure that they understand what they are learning. Only then, the process will become fun and meaningful again.

Mathematics is easy!

When I was in primary school, my mathematic teacher boldly claimed, “Mathematics is the easiest subject in the world.” Naturally, our eyes rolled in disbelief. However, what came next changed my perception towards the subject forever. He added, “it is all about adding, subtracting, multiplying and dividing. You only need to understand these four things; you can then answer any mathematical questions. What can be simpler than that?” What a revelation by a true teacher at heart! Since then, mathematics has become my favourite subject. I enjoyed solving the questions because they are just like a puzzle to me. I studied in a boarding school during my secondary school years. My classmates even woke me up from my slumber just to ask me to solve their mathematical questions in the wee hours before their test! By the way, I aced both Modern and Additional Mathematics without burning the midnight oil.

Street Smart versus Book Smart

Smart parents also recognize that it is equally important for their kids to be street smart as well as being book smart to have sustainable success in life. As such, they would encourage and celebrate the thinking process as much as the actual output itself. They ask open-ended questions rather than the simple “yes/no” types. They also encourage their children to “argue” and rationalize their actions. If done within the right environment, this practice would allow their kids to learn the finer points of life on their own rather than spoon-feeding them with the answers all the time. In doing so, they are directly training their kids to be thinking on their feet rather than just waiting for the solution to fall from the sky. Would you agree that this skill would be useful in their later years?

The World is The School

Smart parents also see the learning opportunities in almost every situation. For example, when someone is not doing his job well and caused them inconveniences later on, that is a learning moment for their kids. They tell them that one must be responsible for his or her actions. Otherwise, someone somewhere will suffer the consequences. If they watch a good movie together and the good side triumphs, that is a learning moment. When they travel and noticed the good practice of other people or culture, it is another learning moment.

The opportunities are endless. All we need is a curious mind and encouragement to feed the curiosity. Smart parents do just this. They encourage and feed their kids’ curiosity by asking questions and letting them research the answers. I remember when I was growing up, I read a lot of books to feed my curiosity on about any subjects in the world. The thing is, the more I read, the more curious I become.

Once we find the true objective of learning, the rest will fall into place. By understanding the subject matter, we will find learning to be a joyful activity again. Impose this mindset towards our kids, they too will find reading, revising and studying to be less of a chore. They may even excel in whatever subjects without the need to attend any tuition classes. Just think of the hours and ringgits saved!

This is when we know that we have found the real purpose of learning. That is, we learn to live and we live to learn!

Zaid Mohamad is a Parental Coach and the author of Smart Parents, Brighter Kids. Log on to www.SmartParents.com.my or write to him at zaid@smartparents.com.my.

Stop talking, start communicating

2010-05-26T23:20:00.001+08:00

Smart Parenting @ NST

During one of our family dinners, I overheard the kids' conversation on the latest game. I heard the word "ratapon" or something being mentioned, and that stoked my curiosity.

Dad: What do you call the game?

Son: “Patapon” (in a typical monosyllabic answer)

Dad: Sorry?

Daughter: Ala, the one that they want to make similar to Roco Loco (slightly more wordy than the son, and with eyes slightly rolled, as if in stating the obvious)

Dad: ?

Daughter: But I like Maple Story better (more words from the daughter, before Daddy has any chance to process the info)

Dad: How to play the Maple Leaf game?

Kids: (synchronized laughing) It's Maple Story, Daddy!

Daughter (to Son): Do you know how to level up?

Son: You type "level up" or "love you". Then it will level up the pet. Or go to pet and do "love you" (eloquently and proudly explaining the steps).

Dad: (in a totally confused state, quietly finishing the asam laksa)

The incidence highlighted the fact that while we may be talking, we may not necessarily be communicating. In the specific case above, it was fine because the subject matter was a computer game. But what about a more serious issue like setting expectations, aligning objectives and conveying the feeling to one another?

Family communications happen between mums and dads as well as between parents and kids. A family must have an avenue to discuss and resolve issues beyond the daily talks and interactions. They must take time to understand one another by active listening. Problems at home or even at work can be quickly resolved this way.

We must encourage and enable each member of our family to share with the others how they feel, the problems they are facing or the good news that they receive. In my household, the best avenue and time to do this is during the dinner time. I strive to come home in time so that I do not miss any of these communication process. Many priceless moments were created at the dinner table. Everyone has a chance to say something. This is usually the time when we learn about the next school event that we would not want to miss because our kids were participating. Even our five-year-old son has something to say even though the topic was totally off most of the times.

Relationships are nurtured through effective communications. Mum and dad must be communicating effectively so that the short and long-term objectives are met with minimum fuss. Issues between them can be resolved reasonably quickly before they affect the whole family. Can you recall a time when you have a miscommunication with your spouse? I am sure it was not a pleasant moment or a conducive one for the family.

Families must find ways to further enhance their relationships year after year. I have seen many happy families who would lovingly joke around and tease one another even after many years of existence. That is one of the secrets of how one can stay and enjoy being in love after all the years. They are the truly inspiring couples and parents. And guess what? These parents are also the master communicator – they effectively convey their feelings and messages to one another without much problem.

Contrast that with a family that operates individually. While they do talk to one another, there is no real communication. They usually provide short, sharp answers instead of taking the time to understand and go deeper. In no time, everyone would take matters into his or her own hands or enjoy being with friends or colleagues rather than with the family.

Now that would be a tragedy.

Take actions now to improve the communication (and relationships) among the family. Schedule times together. Take advantage of the coming school holidays to do meaningful and memorable activities. Spend an uninterrupted hour with your spouse and then with each of your child. Have dinner together and do not forget to switch off the television. Encourage all to share and just enjoy their company instead. Explore issues together and understand the motivators. This is also a good time to admit a mistake and learn from it. Forgive one another and move on.

Be aware as well that communication also happens not just verbally but also in many other forms. Our body languages do send powerful signals to others. Smiling is a good example. A genuine smile of acceptance and happiness goes deep into the heart to touch it positively. Thrown with a generous dosage of hugs and kisses to our spouses and kids, we are creating a happy home every day.

Let us take actions now. As for me, I am looking forward to our family dinner today. I may still fail to understand their latest lingo or learn how to play the Maple Story game, but I am determined to “stop talking” and start communicating with my wife and four angels!

Zaid Mohamad is a parental coach and bestselling author of Smart Parents, Brighter Kids. Log on to www.SmartParents.com.my or write to him at zaid@smartparents.com.my.

When a grown man cry

2010-05-19T23:17:00.000+08:00

Smart Parenting @ NST

If you are a fan of the local legendary rock group Search, you would have probably listened to its song called “Teguh” which literally translates as “sturdy”. The song is about a man who, in pursuit of material wealth, abandoned his family faithfully waiting at home. After some time being lost in the material jungle, the man realized what he had done. He then tried to redeem himself by begging his family to take him back and share their secret behind the “sturdiness” of their love.

The song never fails to evoke a strong emotion every time I listened to it. On a couple of occasions, I even shed some tears over it. Combined with its slow, melodic ballad, it served as a powerful reminder to me of what is the most important thing in life.

No doubt, accumulating wealth and chasing material comforts are important agenda in our modern life. We all want to live comfortably and there is nothing wrong with that. We want to be able to afford a large house in a nice neighbourhood so that our growing kids have enough space to play and to have the opportunity to mingle with other good kids. Occasionally, we would like to be able to explore the world by taking a well-deserved break. We also want to provide the best education and social environment for our kids.

So, what is wrong with this picture? Actually, many things can go wrong in the pursuit of wealth, if we are not careful. We know we have crossed the line when we find ourselves consistently prioritizing work over family, missing many priceless moments and excessively outsourcing the taking care of our kids. The ultimate symptom of parental neglect is when the kids are closer to their nanny than to their own parents!

Let me highlight this issue with a real-life example. After one of my recent talks, a fine-looking man approached me for a private discussion. He profusely thanked me for sharing the materials and started sharing his own parenting experience. Several years ago, he started a very successful business. Soon afterwards, he found himself working day and night trying to catch up with the customers’ demands. Business was good, in fact much better than he had anticipated. His wife was also doing well in her job. She just were promoted and led a large department, which also meant more work to complete in a day.

Life was great, or so they thought. However, on the home front, things were not so rosy. Their two young school-going kids practically stayed at the babysitter’s place from seven in the morning to well over ten at night. On the rare occasions that the family was able to spend the time together, the parents would shower them with lots of expensive gifts.

Things were looking good for a while until one day the primary school called the parents to report that their eldest boy was involved in a fight. Apparently, he had attacked the other student and threatened him with very threatening words.
That was like a big electric jolt to him. Previously, the father had noticed that his son was “naughty and spoilt” at home but he thought it was a normal part of growing up. However, threatening to harm another person was hardly normal. The father knew that not all is well and he had to do something very quickly.

Fortunately, for them, they were able to find the root cause reasonably quickly. The many of hours not spent with the kids were now coming back to haunt them. The kids seem lost without the parental guidance and warm love. They decided that very night that one of the parents needed to stay home full time. The mother decided to leave her job and took on the new challenge. Today, as he told me, things are much calmer at home. Their teenage kids are doing relatively well without any major troubles.

Even then, I still sensed a tinge of regrets in his voice and noticed a well of tears in his eyes. And when I mentioned about the “Teguh” song, he lost it. Tears were now rolling down his cheek! He admitted that he was chasing the wealth so much that he ignored his fatherly duty. The images of the cute, innocent and longing faces waiting for him at home were too much to bear. Consoling a crying child is one thing, but a crying man is a different task altogether. I pointed out that it was great for him to realize it sooner rather than later. He waved goodbye with a smile and I thanked God for the priceless moment, albeit tearful one.

We all can learn from his experience; hopefully without shedding any tears of regrets. We do not have to spend every waking hours with our family but a few quality ones would make a wealth (pun intended) of difference. Strive to find ways to balance the work and the family. Enjoy them while they still need us. Find fun and meaningful activities to do together, to improve the relationships. Plan for these activities to happen and do not leave them to chance. Provide them with enough love and guidance now.

As the Search’s lyric says, “Money and wealth may be gone even after years of accumulation but the journey to find true love is still very far. Give me the secrets to the sturdiness of your love!”

HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY!!

2010-05-16T20:11:00.000+08:00

Many teachers that I know treat their students like they treat their own children. Teachers today live under huge pressures - economically (yup, many struggles financially, living in big city), socially (parents are quick to find their faults but fail to say "Thank you") and professionally (more work, less teaching).

Hence, I'd say we take a moment to acknowledge their work, give them hope & encouragement...we trust our kids with you...your job is the most noble one...hang in there, look at the changes you have done in our kids' lives & take pride in their success!!

HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY!!

Empower, not instruct, kids

2010-05-16T10:33:00.002+08:00

Smart Parenting @ NST, 2010/05/15

by ZAID MOHAMAD

Empower, not instruct, kids

IMAGINE a day you were called in by your superior to take on a new project. He then started telling you what to do first, followed by the second step and continued on for another 30 minutes.
Each step was described in details such that you used up an entire notebook to capture them.

Now recall a time when another superior asked you to complete a task, but stopped short of giving you any instructions. All she said was, “I’d love to see this completed. I trust your ability, that’s why we hired you for this work. If you have any problems, please do not hesitate to see me. Otherwise,

I’d assume that you are on top of your game.”
Which boss would you want to work for? Can you feel the difference between the two styles? The former expects the job to be done “my way or no way” while the latter trusts your ability to do the job your way.

It does not take a genius to figure out which boss is more pleasant to work with. I would feel honoured if someone fully trusts my ability to get the job done without checking on me every single hour. Work would be much more pleasant, energising and in fact inspiring. Along the way, the employee will stretch his or her ability, and that is how we grow in our career.

Now take a step back and analyse our own approach to our kids. As home manager, we are responsible for the successful projects at home. Are we the type who churns out instruction after instruction? Or do we empower our children to do the job their way, as long as it gets done?

In our haste to get things done, our tendency is just to give a detailed and thorough systematic instruction. For example, when asking them to help clean the house, most parents will tell them which area to clean first, what cleaning tools to use and where to go next. If the kids fail to follow the instructions, the parents start to feel agitated. In no time, the atmosphere would become tense and everyone is frustrated.

Compare that with a smarter parent who empowers the kids to complete the task under a minimum set of orders. They would instead just give a broad guideline and let their kids figure them out as best as they can.

For example, in preparing and packing for the vacation, they would ask their kids to pack the clothes by themselves. All they mention is that they are going for a three-day, two-night trip and let the kids figure out how many pieces of day and night clothes to bring. They do not expect a perfect solution because the more important agenda is to train their kids to make decisions.

By empowering our kids, we are sending them a signal that they are smart, trustworthy and capable of handling life little tasks. These powerful signals go a long way towards preparing them to face bigger challenges as they grow older. In contrast, children who receive detailed instructions all their lives may not have the opportunity to learn to think on their feet. This would be a disadvantage when they have to leave the safety of home and face the real world.

Just like empowered employees, empowered children will be able to be creative, try new things, fail a little and learn a lot. They will be able to fly under the loving guidance of their parents. On the other side of the spectrum, rigid and stern parents will stifle their kids’ creativity. Everything must be done according to their instructions, leaving little chance for the kids to experiment and try for themselves.

The best learning in life is the one we learn from mistakes. However, kids will never make mistakes if they do not even try. Therefore, encourage them to try, fail and learn. Do it with full of love and caring guidance.

I know of many parents who have already delegated to their kids daily responsibilities such as folding their own clothes and making their own bed. My wife Rose is doing this and I fully support her.

They can also try things that are not so ordinary, such as making doughnuts or cooking simple meals, under appropriate supervision. We can empower them to create an artwork for the house or even plan for the next vacation.
The list can go on. You get the idea. Therefore, let us start right away. Find something they can and are supposed to do and let them try. All we need to do is to empower them, stay back and watch them fly!

Zaid Mohamad is a parenting coach and bestselling author of Smart Parents, Brighter Kids. Log on to www.SmartParents.com.my or write to him at zaid@smartparents.com.my.

It's not where you're going to but who you are going with...

2010-05-14T08:04:00.003+08:00

Best moments in life are the ones spent with the loved ones. We can go to the best vacation spot in the world, but if the family was not there, soon we will be wishing that we were home instead.

I had a friend who got stuck for 4 additional days in Paris, due to the Icelandic volcanic cloud. "Wow, what a nice place to be stuck in," was the common responses she got. But what they did not know was, she had been away for a week and was terribly missing her children.

Each passing passing day was an agony - and she was staying in a 5* hotel! Even Paris failed to soothe her pain of not being there with the kids.

It just goes to prove that it's the people around us that matters. Treat them well and cherish the moments together. Best things in life are free...and they are right here at home!!

Smart Parenting: Butterfly in the Window

2010-05-04T23:14:00.002+08:00

As I was looking outside to enjoy the morning view, my eyes caught a sight of a butterfly trying desperately to escape through the glass door. It flew from left to right, up and down and then went back to the left again. Of course, it was making no progress at all despite all the efforts. The irony is, there was a large opening just a few inches to the right! The opening was darker than the window because it was covered with a blind that were tilted downwards to reduce the sunlight coming in.

A few hours later, I found it lying motionless on the floor. Only if it had ventured a little more to the "darker" side and stay away from the bright, shining window.

I could not help but thinking, "What if we were in the same situation as the butterfly?" All our lives, we may be trying hard to escape through the closed window when the opening was right there. Are all the glitters, shines and bright light good for us? Conversely, is there goodness in the seemingly dark side?

As I think hard, I could come up with a few learning from the poor butterfly.

Lesson 1: Struggle is part of life
All of us will have some sort of struggle through our lives, and struggle is good. It will make us stronger and more resilient. In fact, we must let our kids to experience some struggles in their lives. They must do things like washing their shoes, making their own bed or even ironing their own clothes. Let them work a little bit to get things done. They must learn to earn their living rather than it being served on the silver platter. Fortunately, hard work and struggles have not killed anyone; in fact, they make us better and stronger.

Lesson 2: Always take a step back and look at the bigger picture
What the butterfly was trying to do is to aim for the light rather than looking for the way out. In smart parenting context, all our actions must be guided towards the grand objectives of creating wonderful kids and a happy family. Parents must ensure that these objectives are well publicized to the kids. When we discipline them, tell them that we do it out of love. When we push them hard, it is because we care. Get the priorities right and objectives properly set. Do not let the daily distractions and annoyances throw us off tangent. Are we going for the light or trying to get out?

Lesson 3: When one way fails, try another
Do not give up! Train our kids to be creative in finding the solutions. We must walk the talk by discussing and finding solutions together with the family. Keep on trying new ways of resolving a problem. If they have difficulties understanding a subject, change the teaching approach. If relationships are turning south, quickly find new ways to make it flourishing again. Think out of the box or – in this case – out of the window!

Lesson 4: Not all glitters are good; not all glooms are bad
What seems gloomy, boring and dry today may bring us goodness tomorrow. Likewise, what seems like a lot of fun, easy and convenient now may cause us huge troubles later on. For example, students having fun now means less preparation for exams. Investors looking for easy and fast “investment” will be burnt in no time.

On the flip side, hard work today will pay off handsomely tomorrow. Small but regular savings will yield a fortune after some time. Submission to God in this life will earn His blessing in the hereafter.

Do you recall a Malay saying that literally translates to “endure the pain now for happiness later”? The butterfly failed to see this and continue to chase the bright light. In the end, it paid the price dearly – with its life!

Lesson 5: Open the minds, listen to both sides
Many people claim that they are open-minded but amazingly failed to listen to both sides. I am sure you have come across someone like this. Why, it could be us!

In the case of the butterfly, it should have at least tried to check the “darker side” out a little bit more. Give both sides the chance to be heard fairly. For parents, when siblings fight, do not take sides without checking the facts. Treat them fairly by listening and understanding. Time and times again, we will be surprised at the findings.

There you have it! I guess the only way to find out the truth is to listen to both sides. Venture out of the obvious and try things differently. Evaluate the good and bad in every situation. Give everyone his or her fair chance to be heard. Only then, no struggles will be in vain.

Teach our kids these valuable lessons too so that they do not end up like the butterfly in the window!

Zaid Mohamad is a parental coach and bestselling author of Smart Parents, Brighter Kids. Log on to www.SmartParents.com.my or write to him at zaid@smartparents.com.my.

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Gratitude – The Attitude to Overcome the Speed Bumps of Life

2010-04-27T22:40:00.002+08:00

(EXCERPT FROM MY SUNDAY COLUMN - Read full article in the next edition of New Sunday Times!)

Imagine you are in hurry and driving through a neighbourhood road which is “littered” with those raised surfaced on the road that forces you to slow down – the road bumps. Chances are, you will be frustrated and wished that you have taken a different route. You would hurriedly go over it and speed through to the next one.

If life is a journey, then it must have its road bumps too. In our hurried world, we all just want to get through the day and get things done. But when things are not going our way, we will get angry, frustrated, agitated and stressed. At work, the pressure, customer demands, bosses' expectations and career aspirations all have a mysterious way to mess up our otherwise happy-go-lucky self.

While driving and approaching a bump, do we stop when trying to go over it? No. We just slow down to a safe speed, go over and forget about it. Same rule applies to the bump of life. If we stop at each of the bump to count the misfortunes, it will take us forever to get to our destination. Instead, we just have to slow down, go over it slowly and move on.

Throughout the journey of life, we will undoubtedly go over the ups and downs of the road bumps too. It is easy to be sidetracked by the day-to-day stuff until we forget what it is all about or where we are going. Along the way, our cute little angels will fight with and yell to each other. They may have problems coping with school work. They will give us headaches once in a while. But we must not give up. We must continue to do the best we can to build a strong foundation. If the base is tough, they will still grow to be a better person despite the temporary setbacks.

The next time you hit the bump, just slow down and say your gratitude. Before you know it, you would have overcome it and speed your way back to the highway of life!

Be Part of the Solution, Not the Problem

2010-04-21T23:12:00.001+08:00

If you are an avid Facebook user, you would have come across the many “hate this” or “anti that” groups being sent to you by others. It did not look too bad in the beginning, but once there are too many of those groups, you will start to wonder if hating something is an effective way to resolve a problem. It is a beautiful example that highlights the fine line between focusing on the problem versus the solution. By focusing on the thing we do not like such as drugs, even if we are dead against it, there will be more drug abuse – an idea proposed by the Law of Attraction proponents.

I do agree. It is so much more positive and liberating to focus on healthy living instead.

Bringing this understanding to parenting, it goes something like this: if our little kids like to run around dangerously around the house, instead of asking him to stop running, we should propose walking safely instead. If the elder ones tend to spend too much time on the PC, instead of saying "don't play the games for too long", ask them to go read a book/play outside/take a nap instead.

The sentences become more positive instead of being laced with "don'ts", "stop" and "no". Kids will orientate towards actions rather than the feeling of being stifled that comes with the negative words. Hence, they will be much more willing to do as we proposed. It all has to do with positive versus negative mindsets. Kids will be happier and more wiling to obey their parents if the words used are mostly positives.

Focusing on the solution is actually is a very positive action that is also the opposite of complaining. When one complains, the mind focuses on the problem. It feels good to let it out – and possibly blames everyone and everything else – but at the end of the day, no real actions or solutions are found. The energy is very negative and drained unnecessarily.

Nobody likes to be around a complaining person. Do you recall the last time you were subjected to a passionate session of complaining and lamenting on about every thing that is wrong with this world? I am sure that it was utterly unpleasant, to say the least. I would definitely avoid that person the next time we come around.

Complaining is a symptom of someone who focuses on the problems. By letting it out, it feels good for a while. It even feels like we are sharing the burden with someone else. But if most of the words that come out is negative, then we have crossed the line. By blaming everything and everyone else, we effectively absolve ourselves from the responsibilities.

It is a lot better to switch the mind into "creative thinking" mode, by focusing on finding the solution. It is a very positive energy indeed. In our mind, channel the energy to brainstorm for all possible options instead. At the end of the day, the problem will be solved – or at least moves closer to resolution – while no energy is wasted droning on and on.

Another case in point is when dealing with our kids’ schools. Many parents have no problem to list down a hundred things that are wrong with the school. Ask them what is the one thing they like, all you get is blank faces most of the time. Yet, year after year, they keep sending their kids there and continue to add new complaints to the list. Very few would step up and offer their expertise or constructive ideas to improve the situation.

I recently had an experience chairing our school’s Parents-Teachers Association meeting to discuss an upcoming charity project. I was the Project Leader, hence came prepared with the details of objectives, issues and options for discussion.

However, to my dismay, several members of the audience chose to harp on one particular issue. It was an important issue but it only constituted less than half of the whole thing. The meeting quickly turned into a "complaining" session. The energy was very negative and drained unnecessarily.

Fortunately, I was able to regain some control and asked the other parents to switch the mind into creative thinking mode, by focusing on finding the solution. Almost immediately, we were able to brainstorm and discuss many possible options. At the end of the meeting, everyone was quite happy with the progress of the project. It would not have been the case if we were dragged into the meaningless blaming session.

Let’s commit to be a more positive person from now on. Make it a game to find positive words for any situations, no matter how negative the situation is. Try it for a day, a week, a month and for life. Our kids and family will love the new us.

One year from now, I can bet those who focus on the problems will still be there talking and complaining, while we have moved on and can look back with pride of the things that we have achieved.

Try it out and see the changes for yourself!

Zaid Mohamad is a parenting coach and author of Smart Parents, Brighter Kids. Log on to www.SmartParents.com.my or write to him at zaid@smartparents.com.my.

All We Need is a Little Break

2010-04-17T14:10:00.004+08:00

In the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, it is so easy to be sidetracked by the day-to-day stuff till we forgot what it is all about.

At work, the pressure, customer demands, bosses' expectations and career aspirations all have a mysterious ways to mess up our otherwise happy-go-lucky self. Little things add up and before we know it, we are ready to explode.

If you think things will get better at home, think again. Messy house, untidy rooms, unwashed utensils and unfolded clothes do not help to provide the much-needed serenity. If you have a maid, these may not be a problem, but what about the screaming kids? The incomplete homework? The poor exam results?

But fret not. All these are signals that all you need is a little break. When the going gets tough, the tough takes a break to get going again.

Ask your spouse to give you a good massage or pick up your favourite comedy movie ("Kung Fu Hustle" may just do the trick) to watch one more time. Do not hold back the laughs and smile as wide as you can.

In no time, you will be ready to face the world and do it all over again...!

Smart Parenting @NST: The Natural Born Leaders – Fact or Fiction?

2010-04-13T23:00:00.000+08:00

Over the weekend, I have had the pleasure of giving a one-hour talk on the “7L Smart Parenting Strategies” at an international bookstore chain branch in the Klang Valley. Some of the parents stayed back after the talk for a short discussion on how our parenting skill is affecting our kids. One of the hot topics we talked was on “leadership for kids” – the fifth “L” of the strategy.

The inevitable questions that always pop out during such discussions are, “Can my child be a leader?” or “This is an area I am struggling. Is there a way I can train them to be leaders?” The bottom line – all parents want to know if leaders are naturally born or can they be created?

Leadership, unfortunately, is not a subject you can find in school. Yet, it is probably a single most important asset anybody can have. Good leaders pave the way for a better tomorrow. Kids with strong leadership traits are usually able to withstand and fight the negative elements and emerge as a winner. Therefore, it is little wonder why smart parents strive to ensure that their kids possess these qualities as much as they can.

Contrary to the popular beliefs, leaders come from all walks of life and in various shapes and forms. Leadership is not confined to just being the head of an organization or the most popular kid in school. Everyone can be a leader in his or own respective areas. A gardener can envision a fresh new look for the garden. A teacher can find a new way to make learning fun. An employee can make the work exciting again by looking at the job in a different perspective. Even a poor kampong boy can start planning for a better future.

The opportunities are endless. The changes are possible because each individual above is the leader in his or her own area. All they need are a vision for a brighter future, the ability to create the steps to get there and the motivations to execute the plans. Sounds like a daunting task but the good news is that all these can be trained by parents onto their kids!

Leadership begins at home. For a start, we must inculcate personal responsibility for all their actions. It does not have to be a complex one. All it means is that they must do things for themselves and not relying on others to get things done. Even if you have a maid at home, ask each kid to take personal responsibility to wash their school shoes, tidying up their rooms and chip in to carry out household chores. Even the little ones must be trained to pick up their own toys from as early as two years old.

Once the personal accountability becomes a habit, we can move on to a bigger thing. Once a year, celebrate their birthdays the smart parents’ way – the do-it-yourself way. The birthday boy or girl can be the project leader while the rest of the family can be the project team members. Not only this will save a lot of money (something that is very close to home to me, with four kids and all), it also gives them a taste of managing an important event; a skill that even some adults may not have an experience for.

Beyond home, smart parents also encourage their kids to take part in the activities that would further build their leadership skills. In school, for example, besides just studying, their kids also fill the time with meaningful activities that help to build strong characters. They are encouraged by their smart parents to volunteer to be part of or even organize the co-curricular activities. School is probably the best training ground for future leaders if we know how to take advantage of its facilities.

Outside of schools, there are even more leadership opportunities. Joining music class or team sports are great examples. These activities promote teamwork, discipline to follow the rules and executing one’s responsibilities to the fullest to produce a beautiful music or a winning team.

Even playing with their friends in the afternoon can also beef up their social skill – an important element of a leader. Besides, some games require role-playing of characters (think “police and thieves”) as well as creative thinking to win (hide and seek, anyone?). The learning that we can take home is that playing is good – not only on the physical aspect but also on the mental, social and leadership development fronts. Therefore, smart parents would ensure that their kids prioritize playtime even when faced with the already packed schedules.

Judging from the feedbacks from employers, leadership is fast becoming a rare commodity among Malaysian kids and young adults today. We regularly hear about how the young workforce generally lacks the ambitions and drive to succeed. We may even have witnessed how they would look for easy jobs but expect a high pay. From my own experience interviewing jobseekers, it is getting harder to find an outstanding candidate among the mostly average applicants. It is like trying to find a needle in the haystack.

What separates an achiever from the rest is their leadership ability. My wife and I will be able to rest easy if I know that our kids are on track to be the great leaders of tomorrow. We will do everything we can to ensure that they are getting all the leadership training they can get. This is because I believe, as per what many prominent people have been saying, that leaders are created, not born.

I encourage you to join us in creating future leaders today, because together we can change the world, one kid at a time!

Zaid Mohamad is a parental coach and bestselling author of Smart Parents, Brighter Kids. Log on to www.SmartParents.com.my or write to him at zaid@smartparents.com.my.

(suggested picture: a bunch of kids in commanding/leadership roles)

The Continent of Love

2010-04-08T22:49:00.002+08:00

THE first thing you will notice about smart parents is how loving they are when it comes to dealing with their kids. Love is in constant supply, any time of the day. The best gift a parent can give to their kids is simply that of love. Imagine living a life full of material things but there is no one to share them with. No matter how sophisticated, new, wonderful and desirable those toys and gadgets are, the novelty will soon wear off. Without love, companionship and human interaction, life will just be miserable. There are simply no substitutes for parental love.

What are the gifts of love that parents can give to their kids?

Firstly, if you love someone (as in a partner), it’s good to tell that person. Otherwise, he or she might go looking for love somewhere else. How many times have you seen the characters in films lose the person they love simply because they did not find the courage to say, “I love you”? In real life, smart parents verbalise love a few times a day. They also provide generous doses of hugs and kisses, and their kids will have a brighter day immediately.

They also watch their words. Smart parents use positive, encouraging words rather thannegative, critical ones through yelling, scolding and nagging. They talk to the kids in a better way than they do to their colleagues, friends or strangers. No matter how angry or upset they are, smart parents choose their words carefully.

If their kids did not understand a simple instruction, instead of saying “why can’t you do such a simple job?” they would say, “Here, let me say it again and differently.” When the small guy accidentally breaks a glass, instead of reacting angrily and saying, “Why are you so clumsy one?” they would say, “Walk slowly and hold the glass carefully next time, okay”.

They also include love in everything they do — from cooking and washing to checking the kid’s homework. For example, when a mother cooks, she makes it seem that a lot of love was sprinkled in as an ingredient. That’s what makes mum’s cooking the best in the world.

While the kids may not be looking for love somewhere else if their parents fail to provide it, they may “ask” for love and attention by misbehaving, dramatising, being unco-operative or worse, neglecting their studies.

So, smart parents know better and proactively provide the love the kids need before they come asking for it. The best moments in life are when we spend the time, not the money, with our loved ones. Now that you know this, would you give more of the “i-Phone” or “i-Love-U”?

What you can do today:

• Say “I love you” three times a day to your kids. Do it at various times of the day but especially at bed time.

• Hug and kiss them as you say those words.

• Talk to them in the nicest language possible. Use positive, encouraging words. Remember, we do not want to be the ones breaking their hearts by using harsh, negative and disrespectful language.

• Cook yourself, even if you have a maid. Nothing beats home cooking, spiced with a lot of love! • Send the kids to school yourself. Use the opportunity to chat and motivate them. However, no nagging please! You want them to start the day with happy and positive mindsets.

Playhouse Disney Parent Bloggers Dinner Party

2010-03-31T21:41:00.003+08:00

I had the privilige of being the only thorn among the sea of roses during a dinner hosted by the good folks from Playhouse Disney Channel (PHDC). It was a blast of a time where PHDC unveiled its new lineups for the next few months.

Besides meeting Mai who shared the lineup while hosting the eventful night, I also met in real life the prominent parent bloggers who have large followings.

Do you know that PHDC based its programs on the Whole Child Curriculum where there are learning opportunities in every program? A lot of thoughts and care are being put to each program to ensure that the little kids learn holistically, utilizing their motor skills, thinking skills, problem-solving skills as well as general living skill. As if these are not enough, programs such as Hanny Manny, Special Agent Oso, Little Einsteins and of course, The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

Yes, I am impressed!

Now I am less worried when my kids watch the Playhouse Disney Channel because I know that they are learning all the good stuff as well as having fun.

For more details on "responsible TV viewing", you can check out my media interviews as follows:

TV3's MHI
Harian Metro
The Star
LiteFM

Honesty is the Best Policy...

2010-03-21T16:02:00.006+08:00

I have had the opportunity to go on a vacation during this school holiday. We went to Hong Kong and one of the things we noticed was how expensive everything is. For example, a short train ride from our hotel to airport in its clean and efficient Airport Express Rail would cost HK$90 (~RM40) per person, one way! Times that with our travelling party, I was looking at spending HK$450 (~RM200) for the trip. Tickets are purchased through the machines.

Sensing my hesitation to purchase the tickets, my kids were courious why people do not just buy the concessioned tickets at about half the price from the ticket machine. After all, it was a machine and nobody would know.

Learning opportunities exist in every situation, not just in the classroom at school. This is one perfect example of such an opportunity. My wife Rose immediately told them that while the machine did not know, we human know that we would be doing the wrong thing. Our kids understood the rationale and agreed that we must be honest all the time.

True enough, our honesty "paid off" immediately. I approached the Customer Service Counter to inquire about a cheaper option, and I was offered a Family Package at a great discount!

The true test of honesty is when no one is looking. Teach that to our kid, and he or she will have a chance of living a clean, happy life.

If You Love Them...

2010-03-06T08:15:00.002+08:00

If you love them,

you'd nudge them out of the comfort zone;

give them challenging tasks,

to be completed on their own.

*****

If you love them,

sometimes your voice would go above;

to keep them in line,

all in good faith, being fierce...with love.

*****

If you love them,

then you'd see;

rewards and punishment,

all done with love, and done fairly

*****

If you love them,

you'd wake them up for the Morning Prayer;

train them to be obedient,

in this Life and Hereafter.

*****

If you love them,

you'd give them your best;

give them your time and attention,

those are the best gifts...above anything else!

*****

By: Zaid Mohamad

1-Minute Tip: Butterfly In The Window

2010-03-01T07:42:00.003+08:00

Teach Them to Explain, Rationalize & Negotiate

2010-02-21T12:00:00.002+08:00

Blame it on the school system or whatever, I found that many kids nowadays fail to explain or rationalize their actions. I would like to share an example to highlight my point:

My eldest, Faisal who is in early teen, is very particular about how his "jambul" (the front portion of the hair) will look like before going to school in the morning. He would spend at least ten minutes in front of the mirror trying to get the perfect angle and position. It has to be spiky and tilted thirty-five degrees to the right.

This ten-minute will see him coming out of the room either happy or totally moody, depending on how much tilt the jambul is. It has also caused a number of tense moments with Rose who was waiting patiently outside to give him breakfast. She also noticed that right after shower, Faisal would just idle in the living room doing nothing instead of preparing for school.

One particular morning, the atmosphere was so tense I decided to intevene. I spoke to Faisal while sending him to school, and what I found was quite revealing.

His jambul can only be done when the hair is medium dry. Hence, after shower he would idly sit in the living room waiting for the hair to dry a little bit. Then, he would go into his room and start the jambul-making process.

But we didnot know this before, hence the scolding for wasting precious time and for being late.

I used this opportunity to train him on how to explain and rationalize his actions to us. All those tense moments could have been avoided if he had explained the process to us upfront. We would have understood why he idled and then took so much time later on.

After that episode, we all just laughed. As far as I can recall, our mornings are much more peaceful now.

Lessons learnt: Take actions and train our kids to explain their actions. Encourage and give them a chance to rationalize. Listen openly before we make decisions.

In fact, these can be applied into broader life. It will be much more fun and peaceful!

Negotiating with Kids

2010-02-07T22:36:00.005+08:00

I received many emails asking opinion on how to deal with kids who are "stubborn" and "not listening." I hate to use these labelling words because they are not stubborn per se, but they are just trying to negotiate with us.

Kids are the world best negotiators. They can use many strategies and tactics that adults can't (well, most anyway). Some of these tactics are: yelling, screaming, kicking, refusing to listen, making a mess deliberately, and yes, throwing a tantrum. Some use a more positive approach like making cute faces or neck tilted to one side, with rapid blinking.

Needless to say, all these are parents' worst nightmare, except that it is not a nightmare but real life.

If you analyze closely, in each of the behaviour above, there must be something that they want. It could be a toy, an ice-cream, wanting to go somewhere, or wanting to get something. What do you do if you want something? You ask first, and if that doesn't work, you negotiate.

Same for the kids, except that the way they negotiate are rather dramatic.

So, what can we do?

Best of all is to avoid the potential drama if possible. Use your parental instinct to anticipate the triggers. For e.g. if you are in the mall and your kids have a weak spot for candy, avoid the candy store.

If avoidance is not possible, then you distract. Offer them to see or do something else that may be better.

If the situation is negotiable (e.g. kids wanting to buy a toy), you can negotiate by asking them to deliver what you want (e.g. cleaning up their mess themselves).

Finally, if the situation is non-negotiable (e.g. finishing up the food or going to bed on time), then you must be firm, to the point of being "fierce" (but with love).

Be consistent with your approach. Soon, these little negotiators will understand that their Mummy and Daddy are fair but firm in dealing with their tactics.

Good luck to us all!

1-min Tips: Seek Feedbacks During Meals

2010-02-01T20:02:00.000+08:00

Families that eat together stay together...that's an old age saying that is even more true in today's hurried world.

This is because during meal time, have a chance to catch up with one another without interruption. Use this golden time to seek and give feedbacks between parents and kids and between spouses.

Strive to eat together with the family at least once a day...quite likely during dinner time.

There will a thousand and one reasons why this would be difficult to do; traffic jams, working late, looming deadlines, customer demands and workload backlog.

But there is only ONE reason to do so: to have an interactive time with your innocent, longing sons and daughters who have been looking forward all day to share that exciting news with Mummy, or to let out their frustrations from schools to Daddy.

What reason would you choose?

Copyright Smart Parents Blog

1-Min Tip: Our Responsibility as Role Models

2010-01-25T08:10:00.003+08:00

Parents are the best role models to their kids. They look up to us for guidance and examples. This is a big responsibility. Our actions will be reapplied by the kids and these will mold how they behave in the future.

Consider these actions by parents and likely impact to the kids will be:

Parents who are loving and talk nicely to their kids will have kids who are polite
Parents who read a lot will have kids who love books too
Parents who regularly break traffic rules will have kids who think it is OK to drive inconsiderately

Think about it. What kind of role models are we portraying to our kids today?

Let Kids be Kids

2010-01-16T07:51:00.004+08:00

I am a huge believer in allowing kids to be kids. Kids live to play; and play is good. This is the time when they let out the pent-up energy, exercise their growing muscles, make some friends and develop their social skills, among others.

That is why I felt so upset upon learning that some parents "ban" their kids from playing outside in the afternoon just because the kids will be facing a major exam (UPSR) this year! I wish I could reach out to the parents and say that their approach is totally wrong and counter-productive. This is a classic example of the overemphasis on just academic achievement rather than overall excellence.

How much can a kid learn in a day? Haven't they heard of the term "stressed" and "burnt-out"?

I believe kids will achieve much more if we allow them to have a fulfilling, enjoyable but responsible lives. That's why Rose & I would lovingly "chase them out" to the playground every afternoon.

There are times for studying, time for bonding and certainly, time for playing and having fun. After all, that is what "kids being kids" is all about!

What is a Grandparent?

2010-01-11T20:09:00.000+08:00

WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT? (Taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds) - received through e-mail, origin unknown.

Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other people's.

A grandfather is a man, & a grandmother is a lady!

Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.

When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.

They show us and talk to us about the colors of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on 'cracks.'

They don't say, 'Hurry up.'

Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.

They wear glasses and funny underwear.

They can take their teeth and gums out.

Grandparents don't have to be smart.

They have to answer questions like 'Why isn't God married?' and 'How come dogs chase cats?'

When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.

Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us.

They know we should have snack time before bed time, and they say prayers with us and kiss us even when we've acted bad.

A 6-YEAR-OLD WAS ASKED WHERE HIS GRANDMA LIVED. ''OH,'' HE SAID, ''SHE LIVES AT THE AIRPORT, AND WHEN WE WANT HER, WE JUST GO GET HER. THEN WHEN WE'RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT, WE TAKE HER BACK TO THE AIRPORT.'' GRANDPA IS THE SMARTEST MAN ON EARTH! HE TEACHES ME GOOD THINGS, BUT I DON'T GET TO SEE HIM ENOUGH TO GET AS SMART AS HIM!

It's funny when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog!

Part 1: 8 Secrets of Boarding School Living that Your Kids Can Benefit From, TODAY!

2009-12-30T13:35:00.003+08:00

Many parents will jump at the opportunity to send their kids to boarding school although the kids actually dread it. To parents, by having their kids at the boarding school, they will be assured of a regimented and structured process of molding the kids in someone highly disciplined, cultured and successful. Is it really true? What really goes on behind the closed doors of the dorms and hostels of some of the established schools? Well, you are about to find out directly from someone who had spent his 5 teenage years there – from me!

Yes, I had spent 5 years at one of the countries’ premiere boarding school – SM Sains Tengku Muhammad Faris Petra in Kota Bharu. I have gone the through the ups and downs, and most of my personalities today are molded there. Today, after almost 25 years later, I am more matured (hopefully!) and am able to reconcile what we went through during our 5 years there. I am putting the experiences in a “learning” format so that you can take them and reapply to your kids.

After all, not everyone has the chance, or even wants, to join the boarding schools. But now you can just take the short-cuts and enjoy the benefits, all the same!

1. Independence

I started my boarding school at the tender, innocent age of 13 (yes, true!). I was barely a teenager then when I had to do everything myself. Everything – from making up the beds to washing the underwear! It was torturous to say the least – we had grown used to our mothers to take care of doing such boring chores.

It was tough in the beginning but soon it became a normal part of life. In fact it becomes an ingrained part of our daily habits. We did not think about it anymore, we just did it. It was so powerful we even do our beds at home. Our mothers were more than impressed at our transformations!

How does this mold us?

We own the responsibilities of taking care of ourselves – a great habit by itself.
We were trained to be resilient in facing tough and unpleasant tasks – a useful habit to have in the working life.
We were well prepared, much better than others, to live independently in the coming years at preparation colleges or universities
Because of that, we were able to concentrate on studies and not be unduly worried about the day to day stuff

The Learning That You Can Reapply to Your Kids:

Assign household tasks fairly among the kids
Even if you have maids at home, let the kids do their basic tasks on their own (e.g. washing the school shoes, tidying up their rooms, picking up their toys).
By doing this, you will train them to be independent and responsible from young.

Source & Copyright: Smart Parents Blog

1-Minute Tip: "Busy" is the four-letter word for "not important to me"

2009-12-22T07:29:00.002+08:00

How many times have you heard people said they are so busy that they cannot do this and that.

I know I am guilty of this as well. People said thay are "busy" but still have plenty of time for other things including watching TV or just idling.

I think "busy" is just an excuse. It's the four-letter word for "not important to me". If we proritize, it will happen.

From parenting perspective, have we ever been too busy for our kids? If the answer is yes, then what kind of signal are we sending to them?

If we truly put them above everything else, then we will never be busy for them!

Get more from Smart Parents Blog.

Smart Parents' "Smile Week" Challenge

2009-12-11T21:01:00.003+08:00

I smile NOT because I'm happy, but I'm happy because I smile...
Here's a little poem to put a smile on your face:

Smile by Zaid Mohamad

Smile when talking to the kids

Smile when dealing with their antics

Smile when they spill the water

Smile when they mess the paper

Remember, they are the little persons you love

It's their actions that you disapprove

Smile when you talk

Smile when you walk

You will be happier - so will your husband or wife

This is what they will remember.....for life!!

Mission for TODAY:

Make a commitment to genuinely smile TODAY in going through your daily stuff, no matter what happens. Experience the change in mood, the reduction in blood pressure, and the overall good feeling. Try it NOW , I guarantee you that you will feel the difference immediately - lighter mood, less tense, clearer and more creative thinking! As a bonus, you will find your kids more cooperative and go through the day cheerfully. Then try it for a week, a month, and for life...

Get more from Smart Parents Blog

1-Minute Tip: Give Me My Hug

2009-12-03T12:45:00.003+08:00

A plea from a child...

I need the hug
to make my day
to kill all the negative bugs
turn them into positive ways

Soothe my feeling, soothe my soul
Good for everyone...young and old
So Mummy and Daddy
Have you given me lots of hugs lately??

- Zaid Mohamad

Be Part of the Solution...

2009-11-29T11:05:00.002+08:00

......not the problem.

I recently had an experience attending a meeting to discuss an upcoming charity project. I am the Project Leader, hence came prepared with the details of objectives, issues and options for discussion.

However, to my dismay, several team members chose to harp on one particular issue. It was an important issue but it only constitutes less than half of the whole thing.

The meeting quickly turned into a "complaining" session. When one complains, the mind is actually focusing on the problem. It feels good for that moment to let it out (and possibly blame everyone and everything else) but at the end of the day, no real action or solutions are achieved. The energy is negative and drained unnecessarily.

I think it is a lot better to switch the mind into "creative thinking" mode, by focusing on finding the solution. It is a very positive energy. Brainstorm and discuss all possible options. At the end of the day, the problem will be solved (or at least move closer to resolution), while no energy is wasted droning on and on.

One year from now, I can bet those who focus on the problems will still be there talking and complaining, while the others have moved on and can look back with pride for things that they have achieved by being part of the solution...

Source: Smart Parents Blog

1-Minute Tip: Make Your School Holidays the Most Purposeful One...

2009-11-25T08:19:00.002+08:00

This post is dedicated to my Young, Energetic, Scholastic/Skillful/Smart (you choose...) "YES" fans....

Now that you have over a month of school-free days, what are you going to do to make the most of it? As much as you love this time, we parents actually dread it :) Especially if you do not have any plans except to spend all day in front of the PC (facebooking?)...

I have a suggestion: why not take this opportunity to have a "purpose" and target? By the end of the year, you will have some new things to brag to your friends. Some of the purposes that I can think of are:

learn a new language
learn a new skill - e.g. cooking, painting, artwork, handiwork
learn a new musical instrument
take up a new hobby
volunteer to help some good cause e.g. charity program, recycling
aim to move one or two level up by spending more time practicing if you are learning music
many many more...

Please share with me if you have other ideas or if you are already doing something purposeful.

Oh by the way, do not forget your responsibilities to God and to your parents/family...

Have a purposeful holiday!

Get more tips at Smart Parents Blog

1-Min Tip: A Small Leak Will Sink a Big Ship

2009-11-22T17:30:00.002+08:00

This was the lesson I taught my kids this week.

It started when the contractors who installed a shower screen in our house did not do a proper job. Within days, mildew started forming due to a small leak. We speculated that maybe they did not use the best materials or strive to give their best.

The impact?

Both our bathroom leaked and needs to be repaired. They came over the second time to repair it but by then the damage was done. We could not use the shower for 24 hours. We had to go to a nearby highway R&R area to shower!! Though it was fun, it was still inconvenient

The lessons?

We took the learning to train the kids to do a job excellently well. We told them that a poor job will impact someone, somewhere, in God knows what ways. The job may seem like a small thing but the impact could be big. A small leak will eventually sink a big ship.

Therefore, as parents, it our responsibility to teach them the impact of their actions. Train them to take responsibilities in order to excel in life.

Source: Smart Parents Network

Unleash their power: The Elephant & Rope Story

2009-11-18T22:40:00.002+08:00

I got this via an e-mail recently as a forward:

*************************************

As I was passing the elephants, I suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not.

I saw a trainer nearby and asked why these beautiful, magnificent animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away. “Well,” he said, “when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it’s enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.”

I was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn’t, they were stuck right where they were.

Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before?

How many of us are being held back by old, outdated beliefs that no longer serve us? How many of us have avoided trying something new because of a limiting belief? Worse, how many of us are being held back by someone else’s limiting beliefs?

Whatever you can conceive and believe, you can achieve!

*************************************

Bringing this to parenting context, we must never "tie the rope" to our kids. The rope can be in the form of discouragement, criticism, labelling and so on. Instead, we should unleash their power by using encouraging words, giving positive feedbacks and guide them to maximize their potentials.

More Testimonials for SPBK...

2009-11-16T21:55:00.008+08:00

"Absolutely packed with tips...with so many interesting things. Very easy to read, and we look forward to the next one!" - NTV7 Breakfast Show Personalities

"A great book for all parents. a very easy and fun read, yet packed with actionable tips. An international bestseller in the making" - Kathy Welker, American mum of 3, a globe-trotting senior leader.

"Love the public speaking (training for kids) part..." - Zuraida Mohamed Noordin

"Love your book *thanks*. Your book has some sort of gave me an idea on how to raise my newborn baby the way I want him to be, insyaAllah. He is only 6 months old but I can't wait to apply all the rest of the techniques inside your book coz seriously, who doesn't want to have smart kids like yours *wink*" - Hijrah Bassett

"What a great package. Totally useful for any parents" - Anhul Chauhan, an expat in Malaysia/Singapore.

"Thanks Zaid!!!...You helped us a lot! I did apply some of the techniques from your SPBK book. Let's pray for other readers of your books to be successful too!" - Azean Rizal

Don't miss out - get the book while it is still hot!!

Zaid Mohamad was in China...

2009-11-13T18:51:00.005+08:00

Dear Readers,

Sorry for my silence this week as I was away on a week long business trip to Guangzhou and Shanghai. I just got back to KL this afternoon...it's great to be home!

Shanghai is a great city - I felt like I was in Europe, not China. Weather was perfect at 18-20 deg C.

I will post very soon on my observation on "Chinese parenting" - I have a few pointers and learnings which I think we all can be benefit from.

In the meantime, I just want to catch up wth my family...

1-Min Tip: Let Them Push Themselves

2009-11-07T08:58:00.009+08:00

(From Smart Parents Blog)

One of the secret towards excellence is the push must come from within, not outside. Push from within means the inner drive to succeed. It is actually us against ourself. It is so much more "fun" to go through compared to when we are subjected to push from the outside.

And it is not very different in home and in office.

At home, an example of the push from outside could be the parental's pressure for their kids to excel in exams. It may even succeed in the short-term. But in the long-term, a different story unfolds. The pressure needs to be constantly applied until it is no longer sustainable. Worse, it may affect an otherwise great relationships between the parents and kids.

Think about it - do we like the boss who keeps breathing on our neck, checking and pressuring us every minute?

1-Min Tip: Rewards or Bribery??

2009-11-04T22:16:00.006+08:00

Recently I was asked this question: when disciplining our kids, how do we distinguish the rewarding of good behaviours from "bribing" them to do something good?

I think it's a really great question. We all want to make sure we do it right. Based on my research, there is a fine line separating the two.

Rewards are something that we give, or promise to give, after the kids have delivered certain results (e.g. getting all As) or excellent work (e.g. doing housework without being asked). These results or work are not of the "day-to-day" types but rather special occassions (e.g. exams) or for "going the extra mile". Usually, the rewards are well publicised beforehand so that it becomes a sort of motivation to make the extra effort. They will not get the rewards if the conditions are not met, and they are perfectly OK with it. They know that they will have another opportunity in the future, of which they would strive to achive.

Bribery, on the other hand, is an inducement before they do any work or getting any results. It can even be in the form of giving the reward if the job gets done. E.g. a parent promised to give a gift if the kid takes out the garbage.

Rewards are proactive and positively motivating ("I did it, so give it to me"), whereas bribery is reactive and negatively motivating ("give it to me, then I will do it").

Now we know the line!

Get more from Smart Parents' Blog.

The Danger of Nagging

2009-10-30T23:22:00.005+08:00

If you have been reading my book, you will appreciate the story below even more. Nagging, together with labelling and criticizing are the enemies of love.

Being the weekend and all, I have a good story to highlight the danger of nagging....enjoy!

An old hillbilly farmer and his nagging wife (source: unknown - received via email)

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began nagging him again.

Complain, nag, complain, nag - it just went on and on. All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet, caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement.

This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it. So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.

The old farmer said, 'Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement.'

'And what about the men?' the minister asked.

'They wanted to know if the mule was for sale.'

*************************************

No offence please....just for fun! Enjoy your weekend....and no nagging please!

Get more from Smart Parents' Blog.

1-Minute Tip: Limits are Best Created Together...

2009-10-28T21:06:00.004+08:00

We have problem with Adam wetting his bed (some day he's going to get me for publishing this!). This is mainly because before going to bed, he keeps claiming that he has "no water" (I'm going to leave out the details). No matter how much we push him to go & p.e.e. he refused. True enough, the next day there will be some drama.

So a few days ago I decided to make a little agreement with him. Both of us sit down during breakfast and discussed our problem. The simple discussion turned into a more serious one, and ended up with a written agreement!

Actually, it was a process of creating the "limit" (the second "L" in my book). We did it together, bargaining our way throughout the process. It was actually a fun session. I shared some of the basic expectations (such as going to the loo before bedtime, brushing the teeth, and so on). Before we knew it, we had 10 items on the agreed list. He even "write down" his own version of the agreement. Check out the picture below for both versions.

It has been a few days now, and I'm happy to report that there's no more bed-wetting. He's also becoming much more cooperative - he can even remember (most of) the list by numbers!

As it's proven time and time again, limits are best created together. This is because 90% of the battle is won because they will be much more willing to obey their own rules.

Get more tips from Smart Parents' Blog.

Because You Love Me...

2009-10-25T15:18:00.006+08:00

This has become the latest "excuse" in our household.

Just this morning, Adam suddenly asked me to buy him a real handphone. I was surprised because he's just 5. So I asked him, "why should I buy you a handphone?" So he went smiling for a while and rolled his eyes thinking. Rose added "you must achieve something significant before we can consider buying you a handphone". He continued to smile and went "errm, errrm, errrm" and then suddenly said "because you love me?"

Hmm, that's a tough one to argue. As we all know, little kids are the master negotiator and this is just one of their tactics (others would include making cute faces while rolling their head to one side and rapid blinking of the eye).

Thank God he was not that serious in asking for the handphone. By noon, he changed it to a watch. But we were thrilled anyway because he used the "love" phrase. Adam & Shira have been using this phrase to get themselves out of sticky situation, and with good effect I must admit. We do give all the kids generous dosage of love everyday (at least 3x hugs and kisses, among others). They reciprocated the love by being wonderful, obedient kids.

It just goes to show that with love, we can do anything, including using it to get what we want...hmm.

Source: Zaid Mohamad's Blog.

Book Reader's Feedback: Rizal Razali

2009-10-21T12:35:00.004+08:00

Assalamualaikum Zaid,

Finished reading your book in 1 sitting whilst sending my car for it's regular servicing. Very easy to read and more importantly, highly engaging book that you just can't stop reading.

Key idea that I took away was:-
1) Daily hug games, I love you session. I'm naturally a "hugging" person but I don't say I love you enough. I will combine both physical and verbal to increase quality of my communicatinon to my 3 boys.

2) Tantrum - I love your answer. Seeking to understand and always remember the bigger picture that I do love my children. Communicate that during "discipline" session to balance the "punishment" with love.

3) Practical idea: Talking to kids during long drive. Plan for items to talk. Ask kids to prep as well. Re-frame the situation from being a high stress activity to an engaging one. Where better to get everybody in one location than a road trip?

I'd like to provide an idea to setup an online resource that parents can either download OR a collection of hyperlinks that can be used.

For example, share softcopy template for parents to use to align on academic, household chores expectations and limits of tv/computer etc.

For the hyperlink resource site, websites that you have found useful to find good deals to plan for family vacation or 1 day out.

Even better, open the site for your readers to contribute their own template and hyperlinks. Net - this becomes a collection of useful resources for parents like us.

Looking forward to read your next book.

Rizal

Source: http://zaidmohamad.blogspot.com/.

1-Minute Tip: Focus on the Solution, Not on the Problem

2009-10-19T12:39:00.001+08:00

Mother Teresa once said: "I will never join an anti-war rally. But if you organize a pro-peace rally, please invite me" (quote borrowed from The Secret).

It is a beautiful example that highlights the fine line between focusing on the problem versus the solution. By focusing on the war, even if we are dead against it, there will be more war (this is an idea proposed by the Law of Attraction proponents). I do agree. It is so much more positive and liberating to focus on peace instead.

Bringing this understanding to parenting, it goes something like this: if our little kids like to run around dangerously around the house, instead of asking him to stop running, we should propose "walk safely" instead. If the elder ones tend to spend too much time on the PC, instead of saying "don't play the games for too long", ask them to go read a book/play outside/take a nap instead.

You get the idea. The sentences become more positive instead of being laced with "don'ts", "stop", "no" etc. Kids will orientate towards actions rather than the feeling of being stifled. Hence, they will be much more willing to do as we proposed.

Try it out and see the changes for yourself!

1-Min Tip: Talk Nicely to One Another

2009-10-14T22:33:00.002+08:00

Kids acquire the "speaking habits" through external factors such as through interactions with friends or watching the languages on TV. As their parents, we are responsible to ensure that they acquire the right habit such as talking nicely to one another.

I am sure we have all gone through a time when they are yelling and screaming at each other. It is quite normal but we must not let it becomes a habit. I would quickly remind them to address another person with love and respect. They may not respond right away but if we keep reminding them, God willing they will listen. I will remind them again when they cool down and I can see that they have improved over time.

I get overly upset when characters on TV (especially the local drama) start fighting and yelling - seems like it is a "must have" scene in any series. I disagree with that because kids tend to be influenced quite easily. The Western series, on the other hand, promote kindness and respect for one another. Something for us to ponder...

Anyway, do what we can and encourage them to pick up the good communication habit.

My Upcoming Events & Media Appearances (Updated)

2009-10-13T22:21:00.000+08:00

Here are the updated info:

Oct 15: I will be interviewed by The Sun newspaper. But I don't know when the article will be out.

Oct 20: I will appear in NTV7 Breakfast Show, 8:30 a.m. Do tune in!!

Nov 7: I will appear as a guest in Azizi Ali's Information Marketing Seminar (venue TBC).

Nov 14: I will be at True Wealth's Open Day for a short talk followed by book signing.

I really hope to see you at one of the events, insyaallah.

Together we can change the world...one kid a a time!

Amy Search in the (Open) House!!

2009-10-12T18:18:00.011+08:00

On Saturday, Rose and I hosted our Hari Raya Open House for close families, friends and associates. It was a pleasant surprise when Amy Search, the Rock Legend, also came over with his family. We have met earlier in a separate function and we became acquiantance, and I invited Amy & Norish for the event.

It was also the best gift I can give to Rose, a hardcore fan, for our 15th anniversary!

Here are some pictures for your viewing pleasure (Amy, Norish, Sania, Alexander, Rose & I):

I have a lot of respect for Amy, not only for his unmatched talent, but also for the man that he becomes. He had succeeded through sheer hard work, shrewd plannning and a lot of determination. Otherwise, how would he had been able to remain in the cut-throat industry (and become a legend at that) for such a long time, and for many more to come. I think I am not wrong to say that he had inspired millions (I am one of them) to reach for the stars.

To Amy & Norish, thank you for stopping by, and please continue to do what you do because we all love you so much!

Thank you and....phewwwiiiiit!!

Cooked, With Love...

2009-10-10T12:10:00.002+08:00

It may sound cliche, but it is so true. To me, the best ingredient in any dish is "love". You may miss some other ingredients, but without love, the food is not as tasty.

This is the secret why our mother's cooking is the best...you can get the same food at the mamaks or even a 5-star restaurant, but it's just not the same...

This was the secret ingredient I hold on to this morning when I suddenly felt inspired to cook a breakfast for my family. I ended up cooking (more like butchering) some omelettes for the kids and ourselves. I put some of the common ingredients (capsicum, carrots, corn, butter) but most importantly I put "a lot of love", not only in the cooking but also when serving them.

Now, I have tasted some of the world-class omelette during my travel, but I was smiling ear to ear when my kids commented that the one I cooked was one tasty dish....

It does not really matter how it tasted but I think they appreciate the loving gestures that I was trying to put on the table...

1-Min Tip: Limit is to be Tested

2009-10-08T12:35:00.000+08:00

In my book I elaborated in details how parents can create and enforce the limits within the household. Limit is like a wall that defines the boundaries. It is also a critical element in creating a highly disciplined kid that should be able to battle the external elements out there.

But kids being kids, limits are there to be tested. As they grow older (and bolder), they will continue to challenge and "push the limits" (e.g. staying up later, spending more time on the PC). It is not an entirely bad thing though, because it shows that they have a capability to challenge the status quo and push for changes. In fact, I also encourage that the limits be reviewed at least once a year because there will be many changes happening - e.g. their school schedules, approach to studies, types of homework and need to collaborate with schoolmates for projects.

However, the principles behind the limits remain. Smart Parents do not create those limits - they are created by the kids themselves, under our supervision. Most importantly, the limits are mutually agreed after some discussions.

We then just have to stay (lovingly) firm and ask everyone to honour the agreement. More often than not, there will be no need for fighting, yelling or screaming to enforce the limits.

Developing leadership qualities in youth - The Star article

2009-10-07T08:45:00.000+08:00

Check out the article in today's The Star (Metro Section) promoting the event that I will be conducting this Sunday...

Developing leadership qualities in youth

Shared via AddThis

Spread the Love & Lend a Hand to Sumatran Quake Victims - Donate to Mercy Malaysia

2009-10-05T21:21:00.004+08:00

I love the work that Mercy Malaysia is doing. They are always one of the fastest to be on the ground whenever disaster strikes. As such, I have been supporting their work in some small way.

I would like to invite you to do the same. At minimum, we all can donate to their accounts, as follows:

Mercy Malaysia Humanitarian Fund
Maybank (a/c name: "Mercy Humanitarian Fund"; a/c no: 5621-7950-4126) or
CIMB (a/c name: "Mercy Malaysia"; a/c no: 1424-000-6561053)

Please give generously to help those in dire needs of medical support - your donation will make a big difference!

1-Min Tip: Facebook & Kids

2009-10-04T08:43:00.008+08:00

Do you know that Facebook (FB) minimum age is 13? I believe there is a good reason for that.

FB is generally a good tool to socialize and to keep in touch with friends. In my book, I mentioned that socializing skill is one of the important traits of Leadership for Kids. However, for kids younger than the minimum age of 13, socializing - especially online - must be managed carefully.

Reason: besides the obvious danger of being a victim of online "predators", a FB posting can also damage relationships if not used well. Kids may not be matured enough to handle conflicts or offensive remarks. Some of the common and potential issues: name calling, making fun of others, bad/inappropriate language or wrong tagging (intentional or otherwise).

All my kids (except Adam, 5, though he too sometimes said he wants "to check (his) FB") are active FB users. I am aware and concerned of the above. But I have an agreement with them that as parents, we have the absolute rights to monitor and intervene as necessary. For e.g., Rose had advised some of their friends to mind his/her languages (so far no reactions from their parents yet, but we think they also would not mind).

As for our kids, we must train them on the good online etiquettes, safety and privacy.

Good luck to us all!!

Recycling with Kids

2009-09-30T19:27:00.003+08:00

As I was writing this, I felt a tremor in my condo unit, located on the 7th floor of a 10-storey building. What a timely reminder by Mother Nature, I thought. I was planning to share our strategies in doing our part to save the earth - recycling.

In a true Smart Parents style, we strive to get our kids to be part of the effort. Rose is very good at this. She teaches them how to sort the recycleable materials such that it becomes very convenient to recycle. I then bring them to a recycling center - luckily now there is one near to where we are staying.

I have learnt that the keys to successful recycling with kids are to get everyone to help and be part, as well as make it naturally convenient for them to comply. Encourage them to watch environmental program on TV or read about it in the papers.

So far so good. We have seen our efforts starting to bear fruits when one day Rose wanted to throw some boxes, our son Faisal said "Please save the environment, we have only one earth to live on!".

1-Min Tip: Dieting and Walking Your Way to Fight Cancer

2009-09-27T15:02:00.004+08:00

During the Raya break, I had an opportunity to catch up with my niece, Siti, who is currently studying to become a dietician. She has also been busy volunteering to organize talks for MAKNA. So I took the chance to ask her what are the relations between diets, exercise and cancer.

Apparently, plenty! Below are some of her advices:

drastically reduce red meat (eg beef) intake to only once a month
make sure you eat 3 servings of vegetables a day
it's true that an apple a day (or equivalent) keeps the doctor (and cancer) away
do not rely on supplements for your vitamin needs. Supplements are artificial and may not be absorbed by the body.
exercise regularly! At minimum, do a brisk walking 30 mins a day, 3x a week. Note - it's brisk walking, not just a leisurely stroll.

Thank you Siti. I think the advices are pretty sound and solid. In fact, she was so convincing that I agreed to sponsor her next project with MAKNA!

Now let's practice them for the sake of ourselves and our kids!

NST Article on Zaid Mohamad: Flow with the Tide of Time

2009-09-25T23:26:00.003+08:00

Adapting to being a parent (NST, 22/09/2009)

ZAID Mohamad, 40, has been a senior manager at a multinational company in Subang Jaya for the past 11 years. Exuding quiet positivity and an easy smile, he’s married with four children. He recalls his first time being a parent.“I was quite nervous as we were in the United States and far from home. But it helped that we read up a lot on parenting and could rely on the help of relatives.”

Read full article here.

Book Review on NST: Manual for Parents

2009-09-24T23:31:00.000+08:00

Featured in NST (12/09/2009) by VIMALA SENEVIRATNE

An ode to baby-boomers, the four books reviewed by SU AZIZ and VIMALA SENEVIRATNE below deal with children and will make parents feel less guideless.

Smart Parents, Brighter Kids By Zaid Mohamad 124 pages/True Wealth ALAS, babies don’t come with manuals. And parents don’t need permits to have them. Hence, there are a myriad of parenting books on the store shelves today.

As the author himself admitted in a recent interview, his book differs from other parenting books because: • It’s written in the Malaysian context, reflecting Malaysian values, issues and challenges. Most, if not all of the other parenting books, are written by Westerners, reflecting their values, issues and challenges.

Read more.

Tip 1-Minit: Sebarkan Cinta dan Kasih Sayang di Hari Raya Ini

2009-09-20T11:56:00.005+08:00

Ramadhan telah berlalu pergi
Aidilfitri pula datang mengganti
Perjuangan selama tiga puluh hari
Kejayaan dirai di hari ini

Salah dan silap mohon dimaafkan
Azam yang baru kita tanamkan
Yang lepas berlalu usah dikenangkan
Cinta dan kasih sayang kita sebarkan

Marilah kita bersama-sama mengambil peluang di hari mulia ini untuk merapatkan kembali perhubungan yang mungkin telah renggang sepanjang setahun lalu. Kepada hubungan yang masih baik, kita juga perlu menyemaikannya agar ia terus subur. Jangan lepaskan peluang ini...Selamat Hari Raya!

From: Zaid & the rest of Smart Parents family

I am Back...Selamat Hari Raya Everyone!!

2009-09-19T09:48:00.006+08:00

It is a great feeling to be back home to the loved ones. Multiply that feeling by 3 times as Raya is just around the corner.

It has been a great trip to the US - workwise and otherwise. Done quite "a bit" of shopping (but still manage to go "overweight" haha).

I have also made a lot of new friends along the way - physically and virtually. Met Shaufi (hopefully correct name/spelling), Selina and Michael during the flight back - and even did a quick Smart Parents seminar with them - in the plane! Kudos to the MH team for the excellent & world class service, as usual.

Also make friends online (Facebook) with Miza, Adnan, Rabiatul, Djohnson and Hanif - Happy Friendship!!

Special thanks to my host in New York @ Bridgeport - Abg. Yus & Kak Mira - for being the perfect host. He picked me up and sent me back to Newark airport, some 1.5 hours away. He even loaned me a car so that I can go around and do more shopping by myself!

Then I went down the memory lane by visiting my former U - the University of Bridgeport. Much has changed since the last 13 years, and fortunately for the better. I even managed to bump into our former landlord (Mike) and bookstore manager (Gary), and amazingly they still remember me!

Overall, it was a great journey, but it is even better that I am home now!!

Selamat Hari Raya everyone...

1-Minute Tip: Leverage Technology to Generate LOVE

2009-09-15T08:32:00.007+08:00

I am currently in the US but I don't feel at all disconnected from my family. There is a myriad of technologies at our disposal - phones, mobile phones, email, and chatting program. But the best of all has to be the webcam.

It is not only free (except for the internet connection that you would pay anyway), it also provides the face-to-face interactions that will surely bring you and your family that much closer. It is an amazing technology that I would highly recommend to those who are away from the loved ones.

Yesterday was Adam's 5th birthday, and for the first time ever, we sang his birthday song over the webcam and internet!! I was close to tears watching him blew the candles. Yet, I was thousands of miles away on the other side of the world. Incredible!

There is no excuse for not showing love when you are away, whether you travel near or far. Leverage the technology, and make that connection via chat program (good), phone (better) or webcam (best!).

Get FREE Smart Parenting Tips at SmartParents.com.my

Zaid Mohamad is in the US of A...Follow Me on Facebook!

2009-09-11T06:17:00.003+08:00

Dear readers,

I am in the USA for the next 10 days to attend my company's global meeting. I am back here exactly after 13 years and 6 days....after I left in Sep 1996.

The flight was long, but thank God for business class haha.....I had been travelling for 31 hours believe it or not!

I will post the pictures corresponding with the journey on my Facebook, under "Zaid Mohamad". Please send me a "friend" request.

Mums & Dads, Send Me Your Success Stories!

2009-09-05T07:08:00.001+08:00

I love to hear successful and inspiring true stories. If you have one and dying to share it with the world (well, with other readers of this blog, at least), please email them to me at zaid@smartparents.com.my.

Together we can learn from and be inspired by it...

Smart Parents on Bestsellers List!!!

2009-09-03T20:56:00.003+08:00

Thank you for all of your supports and prayers. The book made it to MPH Bestsellers list at no.3 for the month of August 2009.

(Updated) My "Author's Talk" PICTURES!

2009-08-27T00:02:00.019+08:00

Dear Friends,

It was a great success and wonderful experience. I also broke a record for "Most Number of Books Sold On Author's Talk". To add to the excitement, there were several notable personalities in the crowd such as Azizi Ali and Datuk A.Samad Said - yes, the Sasterawan Negara himself!

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR WISHES - they have really contributed to the success of the event!

Here are some pics for you:

Dear Friends,

I am so excited about the upcoming talk session on the book. I have received several confrimations and they are very encouraging. Thanks very much.

When? This Saturday, 29 Aug, 3-4pm
Where? MPH Bookstore, Mid Valley Megamall.

I sincerely hope to see you there. You might just bump into several famous/familiar faces in the crowd....my good friend Roshan Thiran, Millionaire Coach Azizi Ali & Family, and a few others (TBC once I hear from them). So, bring along your cameras.

Whatever it is, I guarantee you that it will be a time well spent...!

Don't Be a Dream Thief!

2009-08-25T23:01:00.004+08:00

I am currently reading a bestselling book by Brian Sher titled "How To Make Money Out of Thin Air" who is also the bestselling author of "What Rich People Know and Desperately Want to Keep A Secret".

One section of the book talks about how we lost our dreams to "dream thieves". It is so relevant to Smart Parenting concept and I would like to share the essence with you.

When we were children, we were full of imaginations. We could be anything that we want. Nothing can stop us from becoming the brave soldier, beautiful princess or nasty pirates. But as we grow older, we started to meet the "real world" and people that do us a lot of harm - they messed up our imaginations.

They are called "The Dream Takers". They have lost their vision and now attempted to thwart other's under disguise of "giving advice", "sharing of experience" or "because I have seen it all before".

Watch out - they are everywhere; they could be your own parents, friends, teachers or colleagues. Their words are always discouraging and will undermine your confidence. Avoid them as much as possible. If it's not possible (because they are family), then build a shield around you. Surround yourself with positive, "Dream Builders" type of people that always say "Yes, you can!".

As a Smart Parent, we must never be the Dream Takers, but we must strive to be the Dream Builders for our kids. Don't be the one who stole their imagination away...

Tip 1-Minit: Ramadhan, Penjimatan dan Hubungan Kekeluargaan

2009-08-22T12:14:00.008+08:00

Salam & Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan.

Satu ironi di bulan Ramadhan yang banyak dilihat di Malaysia ialah peningkatan secara mendadak akan perbelanjaan keluarga untuk makanan dan barangan runcit. Kita mampu untuk mengurangkan kekerapan mengambil makanan. Namun begitu ramai juga yang gagal mengawal diri dari meningkatkan kuantiti makanan yang diambil ketika berbuka puasa. Mereka tergoda dengan berbagai jenis lauk-pauk yang terdapat di bazaar Ramadhan.

Itu belum lagi dikira berbagai tawaran “Bufet Berbuka Puasa” yang kosnya mencecah puluhan malah ratusan ringgit seorang.

Ini jelas bertentangan dengan semangat Ramadhan di mana kita sepatutnya menilai diri dan mengingati saudara yang kekurangan makanan dan kekurangan segalanya.

Saya ingin mencadangkan sebuah perubahan di tahun ini. Apa kata jika kita sasarkan untuk mengurangkan jumlah perbelanjaan makanan kita sehingga separuh sahaja? Perhatikan jumlah yang kita belanjakan di bulan biasa dan bajetkan separuh sahaja dari itu untuk Ramadhan. Beberapa cara yang dapat membantu kita mencapai target tersebut – kurangkan membeli makanan untuk berbuka (lihat sahaja jumlah makanan yang dibazirkan) atau kurangkan pergi ke “Bufet Berbuka Puasa” (lebih bagus kalau tidak pergi langsung).

Tetapi yang paling baik sekali ialah menggalakkan anak-anak dan seluruh keluarga untuk bersama-sama membuat sendiri kuih, pengat dan bubur kegemaran masing-masing. Jika anda bekerja di pejabat, ini masih boleh dilakukan sekiranya anda dapat pulang awal sedikit. Paling tidak pun, buatkan air minuman sendiri dan bukan membelinya di luar. Memang kita akan dapati banyak pilihan jika kita “fokus ke arah penyelesaian, bukannya ke arah masalah”.

Untuk memberikan anda sedikit idea, imej di sebelah ialah menu harian "yummy" yang Rose dan anak-anak kami gunakan Ramadhan yang lepas dan dikitar semula tahun ini:

Ini bukan sahaja dapat menjimatkan wang, malah ia juga mampu meningkatkan hubungan baik sesama sendiri. Apakah yang lebih baik dari itu??

Itulah pada saya salah satu dari semangat Ramadhan yang sebenarnya...

1-Minute Tip: Ramadhan, Savings and Family Bonding

2009-08-22T09:52:00.007+08:00

Salam & Happy Ramadhan to Muslim readers.

The great irony during Ramadhan, most prevalent in Malaysia, is the incremental family spending on food and groceries items. We cut down on the food intake frequency but that does not stop many folks from increasing the food intake quantity. They take in a huge amount and a great variety of food during the breaking of fasts.

And then there are those mouth-watering buffets that charge a bomb.

This is clearly against the spirit of Ramadhan where we are supposed to reflect on those having less food and less of everything than us.

I would like to propose a change for this year. Why not we target to reduce our spending on food by half? Take a look at the amount on normal month, and budget only half of that for Ramadhan. Few ways we can do this - buy less of everything (just look at the amount of food wasted after break of fast) or do less of the "Buka Puasa Buffet" (or don't go there at all).

But the best of all, why not involve the kids and the whole family to plan and cook your favourite "kuihs", "pengats" or "bubur"? If you are working full time, this can still be done if you manage to come home early. At minimum, we can make our own drinks instead of buying them. There are plenty of options if we choose to "focus on the solutions".

To give you some idea, shown here is the image of Rose's Ramadhan Menu (from last year, recycled for this year)...yummy!!

That will not only save us tonnes of money but also improve family bonding as well. What can be better than that??

Now, to me, that is one of the reason what Ramadhan is all about...

Wash Your Own Plate!

2009-08-18T22:32:00.002+08:00

You will hear that phrases repeated after every meal time in our home.

Having 4 kids, and no domestic helper, the dirty dish pile up very, very quickly. Rose will always remind us (me included) to wash our own plates after every meals. For the other utensils, she would delegate fairly among the kids (yes, I got away with this one, hehe) e.g. 2 glasses each or someone wash the spoons and another sort the plates, etc.

It has tremendously helped to reduce the burden of doing housework since we have no maids. In addition, it's a good training for the kids (and me, ok, ok) on personal responsibilities.

Most of the times, except on Mother's Day, we just forgot the kind a work a mother has to do. Cooking, ironing, washing, the whole show - even if you have domestic help. Tiring, boring but absolutely necessary to make everyone's else day becomes wonderful.

So, I'm off to wash my plates now and then thank Rose for the work she puts in for the day...
*

1-Minute Tip: It's Never Too Early to Start...

2009-08-14T18:53:00.006+08:00

...teaching kids about the value of savings money.

My family and I had an interesting lunch conversation about money. I was asking them if they were able to manage with the weekly allowances I am giving (monthly for Faisal). They responded positively - they even had some spare change for savings.

I think we should start them off on a good money habit as early as possible. I taught them the concept of "paying yourself first" - something I wish I had learnt long, long time ago. So I told them that only a small percentage of the wage earners practice this, and it's little wonder only a few of them get rich, if ever. For Faisal, he had started saving 20% of the monthly allowance before he spends it on anything else. I then reminded him to save even more when he starts to earn his own money (though that may still be quite a distant in the future).

This is what my Financial Coach, Azizi Ali, told me: It does not have to be a big dollar amount. What's important is you get it started with some percentage and let it become their habit.

I want my kids to understand this concept and not fall into the traps of not savings enough during their early days of working.

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Happy Birthday, Shira!

2009-08-12T07:33:00.005+08:00

Our daughter is celebrating her 11th birthday today. We will go out for dinner to celebrate as a family. On the weekend, she's been planning for a small party with her close friends.

We encourage our kids to do their own DIY party, for 2 main benefits:

It trains them on leadership skill - they will act as an event organizer, dividing tasks among siblings, setting timeline, overall direction, and so on. For this year, Shira has chosen "purple" as her theme - she said those coming not wearing purple will have to hold their breath till they turn purple. Some leaders, haha.
It saves us tonnes of money versus having it at a paid place. Since we have 4 kids, the savings are quite significant per year. A party is a party - if organized well, you will still have maximum fun regardless.

We always look forward to their parties. Rose will be the caterer and event manager (she will be going shopping for the food, door gifts and all soon - I think she enjoys it very much) while I am usually the "clown" who conducted their games. As they are older now, the games tend to be less chaotic but still lots of fun.

I dread to think when they are fully grown and don't need me to conduct their games anymore...well, I will deal with that later. For now, I'll be looking under the bed for that clown nose again...

Happy Birthday my little (Purple) Princess!

Our BFM 89.9 Interview

2009-08-10T23:53:00.010+08:00

Here is the podcast for our BFM89.9 interview, where Rose and I talked about managing family finances with a single stream of income.

Click Here to Listen: BFM 89.9 :: The Business Station

This forms the base of my next book, "Smart Parents, Richer Kids" where I will reveal 8 Secrets and detailed steps on how to be a Full-time Mum, have Financially Savvy Kids, and be a Millionaire Daddy yourself.

Enjoy the show!

Ayam Membajak Sawah...?

2009-08-10T07:53:00.005+08:00

Saya teringat sebuah cerita lucu yang benar-benar berlaku ketika anak-anak kami mengulangkaji matapelajaran Bahasa Malaysia beberapa tahun lalu.

Salah satu soalannya berbunyi begini: "Seekor ____________ sedang membajak di sawah". Jawapan objektifnya: A. Lembu B. Kerbau C. Ayam D. Itik.

Sheena yang perlu menjawab soalan tersebut telah memilih "C" (sememangnya kes tembak ni). Yang kelakarnya, Faisal dan Shira rileks sahaja ketika Rose dan saya tergelak besar membaca jawapan itu. Setelah puas kami ketawa, barulah Faisal bertanya, apa benda yang kelakar sangat? Rose lalu menerangkan apa itu bajak, iaitu suatu alat yang ditarik oleh kerbau ketika musim menanam padi.

Nah, sekarang giliran Faisal pula tergelak-gelak sehingga terguling-guling (walhal sebentar tadi dia sendiri pun tak tahu apa itu bajak).

Sebulan selepas itu, kami sekeluarga berkereta balik ke kampung. Sampai di suatu kawasan ladang kelapa sawit, Faisal dengan penuh keyakinan mengejutkan Sheena yang sedang tidur sambil menunjukkan jarinya ke arah banjaran pokok-pokok kelapa sawit dan dengan bangganya berkata "Sheena, Sheena, kalau nak tahu, inilah sawah!!"

Saya terpaksa berhenti memandu untuk melepaskan gelak ketawa sambil menyapu air mata...

Nampaknya saya perlu lebih kerap lagi balik ke kampung...
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Zaid & Family on NST

2009-08-07T15:00:00.007+08:00

Dear Smart Parents,

I was interviewed by the New Straits Times recently where I shared a little bit about my family and the challenges that we face in raising the kids.

It was a really fun session as Su Aziz, the Editor, and I exchanged ideas on what parenting are like these days.

She will not disclose when the article will be out, and I totally understand why. I am personally looking forward to reading it and I hope you do too.

A portion of the interview also talked about how the Smart Parents Brighter Kids (SPBK) book was written and produced. You can call it a "behind the scene" if you like. For examples, I revealed how the ideas came, the challenges I faced in completing it and why I think the book is different from the others.

I think the article will be a good read, and I hope you will start buying NST (if not already)!

Super Special thanks to Su Aziz for her time and interest in SPBK and the work I'm doing in general.

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Fierce...with Love!

2009-08-04T07:54:00.006+08:00

Is there such a thing?

But this is the secret how to get the kids to do something important but unpleasant, such as eating the veggie, the fruits or picking up the toys....yup, these are not exactly stuff kids will do happily.

So what shall we do to get them to do it, and impress your in-laws?

First, take the diplomacy route - ask them to do it within a given amount of time. Explain the benefits and reasons why. If that doesn't work, shift to second gear - sit besides him and give plenty of encouragement.

If that still doesn't work, then change yourself into a "fierce" mode, but do it lovingly to ensure no permanent, long-term emotional scar. Ask firmly for him to comply but stop way before it resembles abuse. Once he budge even just a little bit, move down to the lower gear and give plenty of praises and encouragement.

That should do the trick. That was how Rose managed to get Adam to eat a vegie called "luffa". I was totally amazed by that. Now, whenever he eats the luffa dish, he would say "mmm, delicious!"
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Buy Me a Wallet...

2009-08-02T16:17:00.005+08:00

...then I will have the money! That was how Adam's (5 years) idea of where the money comes from. Very neat! I never thought of that myself.

It started when he asked for a toy and I said "do you have the money to pay for it?" He said yes, he would, if I buy him a wallet. Then he can take the money from the wallet to pay for the toy. Tough to argue with that!

Obviously I have a long way to go to train him on money matters. But at the same time I am happy with his keen observation and reasoning.

Only kids can see this world in such an innocent and straight-forward manner. Don't you wish we all do too...?
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One FREE Book to the 1,000th Site Visitor

2009-08-01T15:12:00.008+08:00

Dear Friends,

I just had this crazy idea to give away a FREE, personally signed copy of my book to the 1,000th site visitor to this blog! The site meter down there will track the visits using your computer IP address for a certain period of time, every 24 hours I think (i.e. even if you visit the site multiple times within that period of time, your visit is counted as "one" visit).

Therefore, please tell your colleagues, neighbours, friends, brothers, sisters, auntie and uncles to join the fun. The more people visiting, the faster it will clock towards 1,000 and the better your chance.

If you are the 1,000th visitor, please e-mail me (zaid@smartparents.com.my) your screen shot capturing the magic number, similar to this one:

Good luck!!

BFM89.9 Discussion Summary

2009-07-31T07:52:00.002+08:00

Thanks a tonne to those who tuned in & sms'ing congratulatory messages to both of us.

Special thanks to BFM's Chun & Patrick for making it happen!

I will upload the podcast for the segment as soon as it's available. In the meantime, here are some of the key points we discussed:

1. Decision for Rose to stay home full-time was probably the hardest we had to make so far. But with good family discussions on the pro-cons, and thorough financial analysis, we were able to confidently make an informed decision.

2. Life is about choices - it's rare, if ever, we get every thing anyway. Hence, we let go some of the luxuries (cable TV, eating out, cinema outings, nice clothing every month).

3. In return, we get to enjoy significant intangible benefits - peace of minds, greater interactions with the kids, and direct first hand parenting. Simple things like dropping off & picking up the kids from school were actually amazing experiences in itself.

4. Disipline is the key - we pay ourselves first and spend the rest. Train the kids to choose on what to be spent (e.g. Australia vacation vs. latest handphone?), and make each item purchased lasts for a long time (e.g. a watch should last at least 5 years).

5. However, it's OK to have a little luxury once in a while, e.g. dining in a fine restaurant or going out to movies. Key is again to prioritze and choose. Better still, plan for it by saving the money upfront.

6. Net, it was not easy but the reward is just too huge. We become closer as a family, still get to enjoy good stuff once in a while, and best of all, have that peace of mind knowing that we are the one in control!

Now that feels like a million bucks to me!!

"Together we can change the world...one kid at a time"
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Zaid on BFM89.9 (Thurs, 6.30pm)

2009-07-29T19:20:00.002+08:00

Dear Friends,

Just want to let you know that I will be on air Thursday (Jul 30) evening at 6.30pm on BFM89.9 Radio (frequency 89.9 FM or listen live online at http://live.bfm.my/.

Rose and I have been invited to share how we manage our family finances, savings and investments for the kids, and how we train them on money matters (which incidentally is the topics for my next book "Smart Parents, Richer Kid$".

Btw, my debut book "Smart Parents, Brighter Kids" has been sold out in all MPH stores in Malaysia in just a few days!

Do spread the words and tune in yourself!

Thanks for your support.

Best Regards
Zaid Mohamad

"Together we can change the world...one kid at a time!"
http://www.smartparents.com.my/

1-min Tip: Preserve Sibling Relationship

2009-07-27T20:24:00.004+08:00

In any given period of time, there will be moments when the siblings will be fighting, yelling, or worse, hitting each other. They talk sarcastically, overreact at a slightest provocation, or blow things out of proportion. In short, it is not a pleasant moment. The energy is so negative that you can practically hear the anger manifesting.

It is time to act. As a father or mother, put your feet down. Call everyone to huddle together and let your displeasure known. Tell them firmly but lovingly that raised voices and physical agression are a no-no in your household.

Use a bit of drama such as "if I die, you guys will have only each other, so be nice" or something to that effect. Make everyone agrees that they must listen to and respect one another's rights. Empower them to seek help if they cannot resolve an issue among themselves, or when the younger child (e.g. the toddler) is bothering them.

That should do the trick. They will soon be nice again to each other, at least until another bout of, well, fighting, yelling, or worse, hitting each other....

At least, now you know what to do!

Let Them Try...

2009-07-25T08:23:00.002+08:00

The best training in life is to learn from mistakes. However, we will never make mistakes if we do not even try. In the parenting context, we need to encourage our kids to try, fail, and learn. Do it with full of love adn caring guidance. I know many parents have delegated the daily responsibilities (e.g. washing own clothes) to their kids already. That's great!

But they can also try things that are not so ordinary, such as:

- bake doughnuts with you first and on their own later
- cook simple meals (under close supervision for safety reason)

- make their own drinks

The list can go on. You get the idea.

Therefore, let's start right away. Find something they can (and supposed to do) and let them try...

1-Minute Tip: Focus on the Solution...

2009-07-22T18:46:00.001+08:00

...not the problem. This is actually the opposite of complaining. When one complains, the mind is actually focusing on the problem. It feels good to let it out (and possibly blame everyone and everything else) but at the end of the day, no real action or solutions are achieved. The energy is negative and drained unnecessarily.

I think it is a lot better to switch the mind into "creative thinking" mode, by focusing on finding the solution. It is a very positive energy. Internally brainstorm for all possible options. At the end of the day, the problem will be solved (or at least move closer to resolution), while no energy is wasted droning on and on.

Let's give it a try...

Smart Parents Financial Tips (Radio Interview on BFM89.9)

2009-07-19T18:37:00.001+08:00

Rose and I will be interviewed by BFM89.9 under its Personal Financing segment, this July 30th, 6.30pm. They are interested how single-income families manage their finances. I will be sharing the following:

-How Rose and I manage our money given that she is a full-time homemaker,

-What and how do you save in for your children's education,

-How do we teach your kids about finances,

-Do we save in Islamic instruments

So, please tune in to listen, I will also try to get the recording and post it on this blog.
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The Book is Out! Order Online Now!

2009-07-13T17:28:00.023+08:00

Finally, I just got a confirmation from the publisher that the book is published. It is currently being distributed to MPH stores, but it may take a while before they appear on the shelves.

I have several copies that are available online. Price is RM39.90, and postage is free for deliveries within Malaysia.

Click Here to Order Now!

Summary:

I have written a book to outline in details my “7L Smart Parents Strategies” that I have personally practiced with a great degree of success. What are the “7Ls”? They are:

Lots of Love;
Limit for Everything;
Learning Smart;
Leisure Family Time; and
Leadership Skill;
Lend a Hand.
Leave It to God.

Put together, I call them Smart Parenting strategies to create Brighter Kids. Although they are more skewed towards primary school years (age 7 – 12), the principles are universal enough to be applied to younger and older kids.

Here are a glimpse of how the Smart Parents, Brighter Kids strategies can offer to improve your family and avoid future problems in the teenage years:

Benefits to You and Your Kids
1 Practice the “7 Rules of Love” from young

Create a happy, loving home
Show you a way to make the kids actually listen to you without yelling and nagging
Reduce pressure and stress on the kids, yet they still strive for the best
Create polite, respectful kids / teens

2 Smartly and effectively “Set the Limits” that kids eagerly want to follow

Create obedient, disciplined & responsible kids
Less stress in controlling the TV, PC, PS2 time
Institute a fair and effective rewards & punishment system
Remove any little chances of our kids from turning into future “Mat Rempit”, bullies, etc

3 Apply “Learn Smart, Not Hard” techniques – no tuitions required!

No need for tuitions any more!
Improve your kids’ grades within one to three months
Enable parents to be aware of and leverage their kids’ strength and weaknesses
Learn how to classify their subjects and plan for each accordingly
No more slogging over books nearing exam time

4 Apply secrets of low cost “Leisurely Family” outings and activities

Improve family bonding immediately
Retain sanity in the household
Rediscover life
Recharged and ready for more

5 Sow the seed of Leadership & Social skills TODAY for better tomorrow
Reveal the techniques & activities that can:

Mould your kids into future leaders
Instill high confidence to socialize
Turn your nervous kids into an engaging public speaker
Provide a sense of direction – remove tendency to “lepak” or other time-wasting activities

6 Lend a Hand – Find what you can do to give back what you have received, to make rooms for more

Show you the effective ways to “give back in order to receive more”
Learn how other parents have successfully lent their hands to make lasting impacts
Be inspired by the true stories

7 Learn how to sit back, relax and “Leave it to God”

Offer hope in the Higher Being, whatever your belief is
Instill strong values in your kids
Get a peace of mind no matter what

Here’s what people who have read the book said:

“No expensive investment required; just practical guides that were long obscured by narrowly defined modernity and parenthood. This book has reminded us of the power of togetherness, to work hand-in-hand with your spouse and kids – physically, emotionally and spiritually – in planning their future. I saw that Zaid’s and Rose’s moves documented in this book not only embedded in the academically-oriented process but also in the spiritually-oriented suitable for every parent regardless of their faith.”

– Eyja Kushairi, PhD Research, University of Bristol, U.K.

Zaid Mohamad has not only written an inspirational and energizing book for parents, he has succeeded in writing the new leadership guide for parents to bring up leaders in Malaysia. A must read for new parents who aspire greatness for their kids!!

– Roshan Thiran, CEO, Leaderonomics (http://www.leaderonomics.com/. A social enterprise dedicated to bringing leadership development to kids, youths and adults from all walks of life)

“Finally, a book that offers practical solutions to parents who are committed in preparing their kids for a successful future. From my observation through my career in Human Resources, I have seen so many young adults who are not nurtured from young to face the demand and rigours of life. Here is one possible solution, and it is deliberated thoroughly in this book.”
– Bani Zainal Azmian, Vice President, Human Resources and Administration
Malakoff Corporation Berhad

Zaid & Rose: First of all, I'd like to say, HIGHEST CONGRATULATIONS because you've written a practical guideline on how to be a smart parent. BOTH of you are really smart!! I've already practiced some of the strategies my self. And I found it very useful!!. Congratulations!! You've done it excellently well! You managed to explain clearly the practical way to organize/train your children with discipline & instill self responsibility within themselves.

- Zul Rahim PhD Candidate, Division of Occupational Therapy, School of Health and Rehabilitation Sciences The University of Queensland

"Tips which can be re-applied. Be prepared to challenge your parenting skills. I am inspired by you and what you are doing”
- Mr. Rizal Razali a father of three HR Manager in a global MNC (previous expat to Australia)

Click Here to Order!

Tinggalkan Bagasi "BEBAN" di Luar Rumah

2009-07-11T12:52:00.006+08:00

Sempena hari cuti hujung minggu yang sekali lagi kita tempuhi (adoi, cepat betul...), saya ingin berkongsi satu tip untuk memastikan masa yang kita luangkan bersama keluarga menjadi sesuatu yang positif dan meninggalkan kesan.

Saya ingin mengingatkan saya sendiri dan juga Ibubapa Hebat yang lain tentang sebuah bagasi yang saya namakan bagasi "Beg Emosi Berbagai yang Amat Negatif" atau secara ringkasnya "BEBAN" yang kita telah kumpulkan selama seminggu yang lalu. Beg ini dipenuhi dengan berbagai emosi seperti kekecewaan, kerisauan, tekanan, kemarahan, kesedihan dan sebagainya. Segala emosi berbagai macam ini kesemuanya adalah amat negatif dan boleh mempengaruhi mood kita sepanjang cuti minggu ini jika kita tidak mengawalnya secara bijak.

Jadi bagaimana kita nak campakkan BEBAN ini sejauh mungkin? Satu cara yang saya guna ialah dengan membayangkan bahawa segala BEBAN in saya masukkan ke dalam sebuah beg. Beg ini pula saya sumbatkan ke dalam bonet kereta sebelum saya melangkah masuk ke dalam rumah. Semasa di rumah, saya terus terlupa fasal beg BEBAN tersebut dan emosi yang saya ada ialah yang positif belaka (kasih-sayang, keceriaan, dll).

Dan yang ajaibnya, bila saya buka bonet kereta pada pagi Isnin nanti, saya biasanya akan dapati beg BEBAN saya telah hilang dengan sendirinya!!

Dahsyat bukan? Cubalah sendiri....campakkan beg BEBAN anda jauh-jauh dan nikmatilah cuti hujung minggu bersama keluarga, sepositif mungkin...

Jadilah ahli "Smart Parents" dan dapatkan tips-tips percuma di www.SmartParents.com.my
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PPSMI - What Can We Do?

2009-07-10T08:07:00.009+08:00

Many people have asked my opinion on this issue. My answer is, whatever I said does not matter because the final decision has been made. Of course that is not what they are looking for. But to me, I prefer to look at the big picture and more importantly, what are the things that I can control.

Firstly, I believe that mastering English is important. To me, it was a "50-50" issue: 50% of students, mostly urban, benefitted from PPSMI, while the others, mostly rural, struggled. I have no basis for data whatsoever, so I could be totally wrong. To make it worse, it became a political issue as much as an educational issue.

One of the way to improve English is to use the language as much as possible. PPSMI attempted that. Bad news is, it became a controversy. Good news is, that is not the end of the road. There are many other roads we can take.

The road that we can control is, to ensure that our kids practice the language as much as possible. It will be tough especially if the parents are themselves do not speak English as the primary language. Here are the action plans that we can do right away:

- push the kids to read at least 1 English book a month - start with 1 book/month and increase the number as needed.

- speak the language at home as much as possible. At minimum, institute an English Day per week - everyone, including parents, must converse in English. Make it fun and it's OK to make mistakes.

- buy the English exercise books, and do more practices.

Let's try to do the above diligently, and I think the results will come!

Be a member and get the free Smart Parents July e-Zine at http://www.smartparents.com.my/
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Goodbye, Daddy...

2009-07-08T08:37:00.002+08:00

I could not help but shed some tears after watching Paris Jackson's tribute to her Daddy..."I just wanted to say, ever since I was born, daddy has been the best father you could ever imagine." It just shows the deep love she had for her daddy...

It was so heart-wrenching and tragic to see them losing their father at such a tender age. I can't help thinking what if my kids have to go through this. I pray to God that they will be able to go through the days ahead stronger and with full of love from the rest of Jackson's family.

It was the best attribute any father can get. It was Michael Jackson, the man, not the entertainer. And he inspires all of us to be the best father we can be...

Tip Satu Minit: Kalau Nak Sesuatu Benda Tu Jadi....

2009-07-07T21:11:00.004+08:00

...kenalah kita buat sendiri!

Biasanya saya cuba luangkan sedikit masa di sekolah anak-anak saya setiap pagi selepas saya hantar mereka. Sebagai YDP PIBG, saya cuba sedaya upaya untuk berhubung dengan pihak sekolah di samping berjumpa dengan ibu-bapa lain.

Namun ada seorang bapa ni yang sering saya terserempak dengannya. Saya sentiasa cuba untuk mengelakkan dari bertembung kerana beliau....suka komplen! Semua benda serba tak kena terutamanya yang melibatkan pihak sekolah. Ada sekali, sesi komplen beliau berlangsung selama 30 minit...berdiri! Papan tanda senget la, bilik darjah kotor, tandas gelap, guru-guru tak perihatin, dan yang lain saya dah tak ingat. Saya nampak macam "mendengar" tapi sebenarnya sibuk cuba mencari jalan untuk beredar dari situ!

Say berasa kasihan kepada beliau kerana banyak tenaganya terbuang dalam sesi mengkomplen tersebut. Alangkah baiknya jika tenaga itu digunakan untuk mencari penyelesaian, bukannya mencari kesalahan orang lain. Jika kita fokus untuk untuk mencari penyelesaiain, fikiran kita pun positif. Jika kita benar-benar hendak mengubah keadaan dan kalau kita nak sesuatu benda tu jadi, baiklah kita buat sendiri daripada asyik menyalahkan dan mengharap orang lain sahaja.

Jadilah ahli "Smart Parents" dan dapatkan tips-tips percuma di www.SmartParents.com.my
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Lend a Hand

2009-07-06T18:31:00.003+08:00

We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give. - Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965).

Someone once told me, if you are feeling unhappy and unmotivated, one of the best remedy is to find someone in need and "lend a hand". It works like magic - you give, you will be happy.

In my book, I dedicated a chapter on lending a hand. I truly believe that giving benefits the giver more than the receiver. By giving, we switch the attention from ourselves (it's all about me) to another person in needs. It is a big act. And it comes with a big reward - deep satisfaction and an incredible feeling of accomplishment. It will wipe away any sorrow, misery and frustration that we may have. That is truly a life worth living.

What are you going to give? At the very least, start with smiling to someone - your spouse, kids, colleagues and neighbours. After all, Prophet Mohammad did say that a smile is also a form of a gift (sadaqah). Try it today!

Be a member and get the free Smart Parents July e-Zine at www.SmartParents.com.my
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